We were all happy Easter bunnies yesterday morning after the excellent Anthony Joshua boxing result on Saturday night. Mama J was particularly pleased for him as she believes he’s a real inspiration for young children, he’s respectfully confident in his abilities and always articulates himself well inside and more importantly outside of the ring… Oh yes and he may have been punched a few times in his career but he’s hardly been slapped with the ugly stick has he?
Mama J and Grandpa watched the pre-fight weigh-in and Grandpa was politely envious about Joshua’s physicality while Mama J just made the statement of, “Look at his beautiful guns!” She said this while reaching over the back of the sofa for the off switch on the radiator, fanning herself down with the TV guide and having Nelly’s ‘Hot In Herre!’ tune playing over and over in her mind. The next lyric to the song goes, “So take off all your clothes!” Anthony please don’t remove another item of clothing until I can move all four of my Yorkshire Terrier paws up the stairs and into Mama J’s ensuite to turn her showers dial onto ice mode and then throw her in it!
Following the fight Mama J was not very happy about Tyson Fury’s uncomplimentary comments about Anthony and decided that she would look for a boxing gym nearby and train up and defend his honour. Now that really is modern day chivalry at its best! I did point out that Mama J would have to eat/drink more than a packet of Belvita and a glass of semi-skimmed milk for her breakfast and she agreed that maybe upping it to full fat milk probably wouldn’t get her up to her 18 stone target. So she’s formulated another plan which is hiring a sumo suit and using her handbag as a make shift boxing glove, just so she can give it some more welly in the swing department. Well, it is a red leather bag so she might just get away with left upper cut, right handbag smack around the side of disrespectful Tyson’s temples! Anyway I’m in Mama J’s red corner cheering her on and if necessary stepping in to bite his balls with my minus eight teeth. Blow the belt? Somebody please distract the Referee!
Mama J had a rare night out with her lovely friend on Friday evening. They went to see an Ed Sheeran tribute night which they both immensely enjoyed indeed. Mama J did however show herself up somewhat as the owner of the venue and friend of hers since her partying days, asked if Mama J and her friend would like another drink to which she replied, “I know it’s not very rock and roll but can I have a cup of tea?” He then jokingly bantered, “Are you having a chuffing laugh? You want a pot of tea?” Mama J then went into full on Grandma mode and explained that because of getting ready for ‘Ed’ she’d had to forgo her 5.30pm post work cuppa! Honestly it was like the modern day equivalent of the infamous, “I carried a watermelon!” line in Dirty Dancing.
Next months tribute artist is Tom Jones and although Mama J loves his music she fears things may get a little bit too raucous audience wise for her. This is because the real Sir Tom Jones used to get knickers flung at him whenever he performed in his heyday. Imagine the scene if you dare… There’ll be ‘What’s New Pussycat?’ playing and ladies g-strings flying everywhere and Mama J flinging her multicoloured (well it is a Friday evening event so nobody wants to be wearing plain knickers do they) high legged M&S panties at the poor unsuspecting tribute artist!
Anyway ‘Ed’ was absolutely marvellous and Mama J agreed on discussing it with one of her friends the next day that tribute acts have to be at the top of their game performance wise. Gone are the days when you can don a white shoulder padded jumpsuit, gel your hair into a quiff and pretend to be Elvis. The audiences want a little more than that, such as a nice brew! Tea’s up folks!
While Mama J was out galavanting Granny, Grandpa and I were glued to Coronation Street and the watery demise of Pat Phelan. Yes, people stood at bus stops around the country, you really can stop talking about when he is ever going to get found out and get back to more interesting topics of conversations such as the British weather!
Before his extremely timely plunge into the sea, Pat was seemingly trying to resurrect a childhood favourite of Mama J’s, ‘He-Man and the Masters of the Universe’. We honestly thought he was going to draw his sword and shout out, “By the power of Grey Skull!”
That or he’d told the script writing team that he fancied doing a Shakespearian play next and thought that practising some theatrical lines might do the trick in his next audition.
Anyway I’m signing off now as don’t want to outstay my welcome just like the dastardly Phelan did. Following this post I’m off to help Gail and Eileen set up a “We Love Serial Killers” support group on Facebook. Should be interesting fun!