Well, I knew that upping the anti with regard to Mama J’s fitness levels was going to be a difficult and trying ask even for a hard task master such a myself. I’m the Lord Sugar of the dog world! Although when she came home from work for her holiday’s announcing that she’d had to perform a number of her afternoon’s activities whilst riding the store’s motability scooter, my first thought wasn’t exactly is she joining the cast of Benidorm as a racing rival for Madge?
Mama J has suffered with lack of energy due to thyroid issues for the last month or so but this was going to be a disaster for my bladder and bowels whilst my Granny and Grandpa were away. A girl needs to limber up towards a number one (wee) and a number two (poo) twice a day with a little gentle exercise. I hardly think going up our neighbour’s driveway will suffice to adequately get my “movements” flowing!
Granny and Grandpa set off for the airport at 1.30am and I was most upset to be awoken from my dreamy existence, especially as I was dreaming about long luscious walks followed by scrumptious doggie treats. Now there really is the way to a Yorkshire Terrier’s heart!
Mama J was ready for my wailing and ushered me into her room and onto her comfy bed. However I couldn’t settle and ran off around the landing to see if Granny and Grandpa were still in their room and it was just a dream like when Bobby Ewing wasn’t killed off and was actually taking a shower in Dallas. Sadly this wasn’t the case and I was left in charge of Mama J for a whole week.
Well, I needn’t of worried about lack of inactivity on Mama J’s part as she absolutely rose to my challenge each and every day of Granny and Grandpa’s Spanish tour. I’m clearly good stimulation for the thyroid gland so can just call me Dr Elsie! On the Saturday I got so giddy with the sunshine that was flowing through our living room window. Yes, I know it was the end of September however Yorkshire was experiencing a nice dose of Vitamin D enhancing rays and Mama J and I were out and about feeling the benefits.
I demanded a walk around our gorgeous village each and every hour on that Saturday and Mama J’s iPhone said we walked collectively 2.3 miles. Mama J needed a sit down and a cup of tea in between walking courses, however it will teach her for ever saying she gets bored on a weekend due to a lack of This Morning and Loose Women on the telly!
I did have a few diva moments along the way with Mama J and her behaviour. Don’t judge me people, you don’t have to live with her! The first one was when she tried to get into bed while I was already laid comfortably on top of the covers. How dare she come out of her bathroom, put her body lotion on her skin then demand to get into her own bed? I ask you, who the hell does she think she is? I jumped off the bed in a fit of rage, ran onto the landing and refused to come into the room for all of five minutes when I got tired and cold. I was still in a strop the next morning and kept showing her the whites of my eyes. They say it’s an elephant that never forgets, well I’m a Yorkshire Terrier with a good memory too!
The second incident was when Mama J left me for four hours to go back to work. Now I know she hired me a lovely dog walker to give me my afternoon stroll but I thought we were a team! Once we’d had our teas I ran over sofa on the other side of the living room and kept peeping at Mama J in pure disgust at her money earning actions. She kept trying to call me over but I was having none of it… Well until a treat was mentioned then all was forgiven. I really must work on my resolve next time I get cross and shouldn’t be so easily bribed!
I did have a few incidents with doggies in my village when Mama J and I were strolling around and sometimes even my behaviour was slightly daft (Mama J’s making me write this section). We were walking down our road and we came across Watson, my handsome boyfriend. Instead of greeting in my usual friendly manner I barked at him. Then something went off in my brain and I realised it was Watson and I ran over to him and sniffed his nose lovingly.
The next incident happened when I decided to do a number two outside Noodle's house and World War Three nearly broke out. Noodle either heard Mama J cooing at me that I was a good girl for doing a poo or she sensed intuitively that I was there. With that barking ensued right at the moment Mama J was bagging up my doggie debris. I began spinning her around as I thought we were under attack as I couldn't figure out that the barking was coming from the other side of the gates. Mama J quickly moved me on to minimum safe distance and secured the bagged poo with a tight knot! Phew as we thought we were going to have a case of the flying s**t on our hands and paws!