Autumn is definitely in the air and oh yes blowing through my freshly cut hair. Granny decided that it was high time I had my quarterly trim and monthly bath. However I did quite enjoy looking like a member of Bon Jovi in the 1980s, crank the music up and I’m living on a prayer with lovely Jon! Now I say monthly bath however I last had one just before my holiday (yes the one that got ruined by Mama J’s childish rocking bed antics that weren’t fresh from the pages of Fifty Shades Of Grey) to the Lake District back in July. Although just so you don’t all think I’m some sort of doggie shampoo dodger, I do have almost daily dips in the kitchen sink just to keep my furry legs and my feminine areas clear of mud and other roadside obscenities. We live in a farming community I’ll let you guess what I’m talking about when I say obscenities. Oh my life is so full of glamour!
Mama J knows it is autumn too as her evening televisual entertainment just got cranked up a few hundred notches. She’s started drawing up a very studious spreadsheet on the computer as her brain is getting frazzled with the planning guide of what to watch and then what to tape. Eh don’t I sound old? Tape, sorry I mean record on the Freeview box. That or I’ll be going old school and getting myself on eBay to look for a Betamax video recorder that looked like something out of Star Wars. Oh with all his fine tutorship my Grandpa must be so proud of the furry granddaughter I’ve become in sourcing antique electrical items for his to reminisce over. Mind you This Morning did do a feature on retro goods and Mama J was tempted to buy herself a Sega Mega Drive to reconnect with Sonic The Hedgehog, as well as her youth.
Eastenders had Mama J’s blood pressure raised all last week with a gas explosion, Johnny getting shot, Jane nearly getting burnt like toast in her own restaurant, Bernadette having a miscarriage, an ambulance crash and oh yes Steven dying! My heart is racing now just typing my paws on this keyboard whilst thinking about the catalogue of disasters that Walford’s suffered. I’m a writer with many storyline ideas but one must think they could’ve saved a few ideas for this weeks episodes, there’s at least a months worth of telly they could’ve spun out there minus the sped up version accompanied by Benny Hill music! Okay so that last bit didn’t happen but was definitely a welcome figment in my imagination amongst all the high drama.
Mama J did have an offer of an evening in the village pub but please don’t telling the charming Landlord and Landlady, she turned Granny and Grandpa down to stay in and give me cuddles, which is very kind of her but she also wanted to see what happened next in Hollyoaks and Emmerdale. I like the way she blames it on me and my beautiful face however I know there are devious ulterior motives at play. I love her cheek and forgive though as I got lots of attention that evening while Granny and Grandpa were tasting the pub’s latest delicious curry offerings.
Now I’m signing this off until the beginning of October as Granny and Grandpa are going away to Spain for a glass or two of sangria and leaving me in charge of Mama J and her wellbeing. I need wishing all the luck in the world with this task as you all know what a diva she can be. I’ll be looking longingly at her and whipping her into shape again with my demands of three walks a day. Well, who said there can only be one diva in a household?