IT'S PEE PEE TIME!

Remember how I told you the other week about my quiet behaviour when people visited our house? This has being named by Mama J as a chew enhanced lifestyle and comes highly recommended to all barking dog households. Pooches be ready to be tantalised into quiet but yummy submission.
   Well, I’m pleased to announce that my peaceful behaviour has now transcended onto my walks and with other dogs too. It’s only taken me over two and a half years to finally make some friends in the village. Mind you my Yorkshire Terrier birth Mother did tell me not to talk to strangers. Always wise advice to take on board. I’ve watched those stranger danger videos on Youtube and don’t want dognaping from my luxury lifestyle do I? 
   Yes, folks I’ve had something of a miracle epiphany. Was it the bones? Is there something in the water such as gin? Am I growing up to finally realise not every dog is like Jon Voight’s character in Enemy Of The State? Who knows but my family are overjoyed at finally being able to have a proper full and frank conversation without me barking at everyone else’s canines.
   To be fair to me, which seen as I’m writing this, I don’t have to be too harsh on myself, I have got a few firm furry friends in the village already. However these dogs that I’m now ignoring were on my hit list for a verbal telling off for upsetting me in some way, shape or form in a previous life. Clearly I’ve been reincarnated and now have had another reincarnation whilst living my life with the Chelton family.
   Anyway I’m getting told that I’m a good girl, getting lots of cuddles, oh and yes the treat cupboard door should be changed immediately to a revolving one as it is open more times than it is shut. Why didn’t I work this calm quietness out sooner? I could’ve had a full belly permanently!
I thought on Thursday morning that Mama J had won a World Championships medal at the London games, as cheering of a very loud nature came out of her bathroom door and carried on down the landing. Well, sadly for Mama J you don’t get a gold medal for peeing!
   Don’t worry Mama J isn’t regressing and learning to potty train again. Although the way she was clutching her pot full of wee and screaming, “I’ve done it! I’ve done my wee!” did remind Granny of a holiday when Mama J waltzed into the hotel’s packed out dining room and announced that she’d done a poo! She was thirty-two years old at the time! Just kidding!
   Anyhow Thursday’s urine sample was to take with her to a hospital appointment later that day. I can’t tell you what for as I’d be giving away trade secrets. However I will say this if Mama J ever gets herself pregnant and needs to do a sample every time she has a medical appointment, Granny, Grandpa and I are moving out! She kept looking at the tiny pot she’d been given from the doctor’s surgery and at one point was standing in the kitchen, well to put that properly, squatting in the kitchen and pretending to pee into the pot! It was award winning acting in the kitchen that day! She had more moves than the Eric Prydz, Call On Me dance video. I must say to spare Mama J’s blushes that her underpants and jeans remained firmly on. The kitchen based role didn’t require any removal of clothing until she got up to her ensuite, squatted with the pot placed just shy of the toilet seat and then aimed and fired!
   So I’m pleased to announce that the clinic said Mama J’s wee was the largest they’d seen in sometime. Mama J, please do stop putting words into my mouth and through to my paws. Oh and they say men like to exaggerate about the size of their…!   




2 comments:

  1. Oh, oh, just tell me the secret of how you get the TREAT cupboard door turned in to a revolving one?!?!?!
    Does Mama J really finks she's got the monopoly on generous 'weeing'? I finks you may need to put her right on that one....the trick will be finding somewhere appropriate to make a GRAND display.....on maybe the ...quilt...cushion...foot...decisions, decisions!
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

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  2. I have magic door revolving paws. I'll come round to yours and give your treat cupboard a sprinkling tap with my wand like paw. Mama J would be insisting I wear doggie Tena Lady should I make that sort of grand display. Best sticking to my yard and the paths and grassland around my house for my wee wee activities. Have a great week. Lick and paws, Elsie. xxx

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