I’m under specific orders of The British Empire, (okay so maybe Her Majesty The Queen isn’t quite fully briefed on my great undertaking) The Ramblers Association, The Lake District’s Tourist Information Office and medical professionals such as Mama J’s General Practitioner and also her Cardiologist that I must dog nap Mama J and the rest of my family.
I’ve already started secretly packing a doggie bag, which is not just full of snacks brought back from the pub for me but essential items for my mission. These items include my lead, harness, a few bottles of water, a coat fit for all weather events and some hearty treats. Also I better include a map, compass, first aid equipment and a woggle. Yes, I’m a trainee Brown Owl in the making!
Next week I will turn aggressive not just with the other dogs that I don’t like in the village but with my family and order Grandpa along with Granny and Mama J to pack a bag of essentials too. Mama J will no doubt pack a trunk full of things as if she’s going on a year long tour of every country on the planet. Granny will be in a fret over my pending unruly behaviour but will have to go along with the situation as, well, I’m in charge!
Once we are packed I will order Grandpa to drive us in his Freelander 2 up to The Lake District where my reign of terror on Mama J’s fitness levels in particular will really begin. We’ll start with some low lying lake side walks to get the heart pumping and then we will try and advance her to some of the higher fells in the area. Mama J and my family will enjoy their tour of duty to me on pain of death!
On an evening we will stay in a comfortable luxury log cabin as Mama J still needs her home comforts, especially as all the training may take it out of her somewhat. I hope you didn’t think she was going to be doing things proper old school style and staying in a tent and washing herself and her smalls in the lake. I don’t expect her to turn all outdoorsy all at once.
All that remains to be done is for you to wish me the best of luck in my training mission, I’m sure I will drill Mama J and my already fit Granny and Grandpa into supreme fitness. I will of course produce a comprehensive statistical, photographic and written report for you all the read on my return. Dib, dib, dib!