Granny and Mama J are congratulating themselves in a very self assured, well okay darn right smug way indeed. Oh the smugness is oozing out of their beautifully moisturised pores! They have found a way to silence me when people come around to the house. We have more visits than Piccadilly Station at the moment. There’s Granny’s visitors requiring refreshments of tea and cake. Mama J’s friends taking her away to spend her hard earned money on clothes and some very snazzy and shiny brogues. Then Grandpa’s guests calling in all hours of the day and much to Mama J’s displeasure of the evening too, how dare they call when Coronation Street is on? This to discuss all manners of community business. Oh my stress levels with all these people, there’s no wonder I bark so much!
For my birthday back in June, Mama J brought me a bar of doggie chocolate, some kibble treats and a pack of rawhide bones filled with a delicious meaty flavour. Now she hoped I would enjoy them but the bones have been the absolute find of the century. Anyone would think Mama J and Granny had found The Holy Grail quicker than Monty Python did that day at the pet store.
The first time I was given a bone, oh yes I see where the expression of give a dog a bone comes from now, was when our neighbour called in for coffee and a good old fashion chinwag. This neighbour is my handsome furry friend Watson’s Mum and a firm favourite of mine as she gives me lots of lovely attention. She welcomed me into her home and more importantly for my comfort levels onto her sofa whilst my Mama J was at work and Granny and Grandpa were away on holiday. I would never ignore her, however with the lure of the bone I’m afraid my usual loud attention was taken away from her somewhat and transported into chewing and licking. This excellent behaviour from me sent Mama J and Granny’s enthusiasm levels into overdrive.
My next test was on Wednesday when Mama J’s friend came over to pick her up for a spot of retail therapy. Mama J welcomed her friend into the house and Granny made a cup of tea for us all (where was my tea in my favourite doggie mug). Whilst the kettle was boiling I was given a bone, which I ran with into the living room, tossed around playfully a few times to show off my javelin skills then laid down on the sofa with. Mama J’s friend was so impressed with my new found good behaviour that she kept mentioning it all the way around the retail park and at various times of on the hour every hour throughout the day. Now I must say this is the friend that I once weed in the house in front of. However in my defence it was back in the days when my epilepsy wasn’t diagnosed and I wasn’t on any medication. The excitement of meeting Mama J’s pal tipped me over the edge and I had a nasty seizure.
Lastly on Friday, Grandpa had a meeting in the house. Now he could’ve met this man in a pub or cafe, however I feel he had a physic premonition that my behaviour was going to be just outstanding. I think this gives you a clear indication that my Grandpa is very proud of my behaviour indeed. I’ll be getting a gold star next!
Granny did have to do some prep work for this gentleman’s visit as we had run out of my bones and the ones Mama J originally purchased were out of stock. She did try me on some different chews however I managed to eat one in ten minutes flat. Clearly I thought I was involved in some sort of Guinness Book Of Records attempt, the chew eating contest to end all chew eating contests! Also I swallowed a large part of the end as Granny was trying to remove it from my mouth, for my safety she said. What? Cheeky Granny I wasn’t prepared to give it up, no way! Anyway Granny went to a different pet shop and found some larger (I think they were for dogs of the Rottweiler variety) than my usual rawhide bones for me to literally get my teeth around. Grandpa’s meeting came and went without a murmur from me and I got lots of fuss from my astounded family afterwards.
I am now sniffing the treat cupboard door and then running to my vantage point of the sofa arm to see if anyone is coming around to visit. If you are reading this and wish to kindly pay me a visit so I can get another yummy bone, my address is…