Monday, 1 May 2017

SHIRLEY VALENTINE'S NEW LOOK KITCHEN

So our kitchen refit is now all complete. Yes, you can all put on the party tunes, put up the banners and let off the party poppers! I’m going to give a paw shaped round of applause to my long suffering family and especially my Granny, who because of Grandpa’s work commitments had to deal with most of the communication issues along the way. I must say she did ask for a few more bottles of wine to be brought home by Grandpa, for purely medicinal purposes of course. I even caught tee-total Mama J eyeing up the gin bottle throughout the process as well.
   Anyway the Mayor couldn’t attend the grand unveiling to cut the rope, so we ended up having a more quiet (well apart from my barking) affair when we invited two of our neighbours around for a peek and a lovely afternoon of coffee and cake, oh yes lots of wonderful cake! To shut me up in my Everhot cooker excitement, I even got a taster of the sponge and it was delicious. I will give the people who run our village shop an outstanding review for their sponge making skills.

Now the job is complete I can tell you a little more of the funny parts of refitting the kitchen. Let’s put it this way I can now see why house design programmes such as Grand Designs and George Clarke’s Amazing Spaces really do make entertaining and informative viewing. With the issues that even our small property threw up such as uneven flooring, I can see why there is always someone having a near nervous breakdown midway through the show.
   We also had to contend with the fact that our Kitchen Fitter’s native language wasn’t English and they were also deaf. We all were astounded and amazed how he worked around these problems to get the outstanding results on our kitchen.
   We found there was always a major problem when Grandpa was safely away at work and it was usually when we sat down to watch our guilty pleasure of The Real Housewives Of Cheshire on an afternoon. One of the housewives would be having a go at Dawn Ward and then there would be a tap on the living room door. When Granny went to see what the problem was there was no one there. Was our Kitchen Fitter a closet child playing the knock on the door and run away game?
   On one occasion we didn’t have enough floor tiles and seen as our man couldn’t communicate with the flooring specialists my family had previously used, Granny had to drive him to their outlet and articulate what we were wanting. Peter Kay could use this tale in the next series of Car Share if he likes, Granny wouldn’t mind! Mama J and I thought when they were driving off into the sunset together in Granny’s Mini Cooper S, she was perhaps doing a Shirley Valentine and running off with her new toy boy. She too would have to talk to the wall for a chat should the need arise. One morning Granny in her vain hope of trying to communicate her requirements to our Kitchen Fitter was heard saying, "Mañana. Mañana." Not only was he deaf but he wasn't Spanish either, so there was no wonder he had a confused look on his face. 
Anyway I’m sure you’ll all agree that the results are stunning and I can say with full enthusiasm that the new Everhot cooker really does warm my bum up a treat when I’m stood in front of it. I’m happy that I now know the whereabouts of my water bowl, as it kept moving every day throughout the process and that I’ve found the new hiding hole of my food. It’s all change here but it sure does keep me on my paws and claws.
Right folks seen as Granny and Grandpa are away next week visiting family, I’m being left with the task of keeping Mama J in line. As this is going to take up all of my skill set, I’ll be back in a few weeks time to dish the dirt on her naughtiness. 

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