Monday, 27 February 2017

AN OSCAR WORTHY FLOWERING MYSTERY

It is a wet and grey day here in North Yorkshire and I have just been snuggled up on Mama J’s lap having my furry face stroked whilst repeatedly giving her my paw to also gently caress. Life is good chilling here but I’m definitely stalling for motivation for this post to kick here today. Yes, even I a great Comedienne in a black and tan fur shaggy coat needs divine inspiration some days. Right Elsie (that’s me giving myself a kick up the proverbial) come on, let’s commence with the funny today!
It was Mama J’s lovely friend’s birthday last Tuesday and seen as she has been so kind towards me and Mama J, especially in supportive comments towards my blog (she’s got impeccable taste in the pawed written word that one) we wanted to show our appreciation and organised her a beautiful bouquet of flowers to be delivered. I even placed my paw on the key pad and selected the flowers I wanted to send (I’m a clever and extremely decisive flower ordering dog) then paid for them with my doggie treats (okay with Mama J’s debit card as I don’t think the Florist would take the Pooch and Mutt method of payment).
   On Tuesday when Mama J returned home from work we were disappointed that the delivery company hadn’t been able to deliver the flowers. We couldn’t even arrange for them to be re-delivered for the next day so Thursday was the new designated date for delivery.
   Thursday came and an email was sent from the delivery company to say the flowers had been delivered, yippee… Or so we thought! 
   Mama J text her friend who was now excitedly visiting her family for more birthday celebrations, to get her to get her partner to open the flowers so they could be placed in a vase of water for her to enjoy on her return. On doing this she received a text back to say no flowers had been delivered to her house or even the neighbours. The hunt for flowers not the Easter bunny was on!
   Mama J sent a very disgruntled email (oh she was giving them it with both barrels and I was hiding behind the sofa as she grumbled on in keyboard form) of compliant to get the reply of a picture of a shed with some boxed flowers in it. Mystery solved… Or so again we thought!
   On forwarding the picture of said shed to her friend it turns out that this was not the correct shed! Whose shed was this? Where are the flowers? Why did numpty Courier not put a card through Mama J’s friend’s door to say where they had left said flowers? Why didn’t they put them in a shed on Tuesday instead of having to re-deliver? Will the flowers ever be found? What state will they be in? There are so many questions to be answered here that I think this could be an off shoot storyline on tonight opening episode of Broadchurch. David Tennant and Olivia Colman please help us in our quest to locate the missing flowers!
We have been stressed out (I’m having to learn breathing techniques to calm myself down and saying a lot of, “Um’s!” and “Ah’s!”) as a family over the past few weeks. No, this isn’t due to workmen who don’t email back with quotes. Please don’t get me started, I’m already reeling with flower gate, that would send me over the edge! This is all to do with the England Rugby teams latest Six Nations campaign.
   They have put me, my family and the whole watching nation through the ringer every weekend they have played. My family have been shouting, screaming, hiding behind cushions and even not daring to turn the telly back on after the half time whistle has been blown.
   Yes, yesterday afternoon Granny and Grandpa whipped me out for my second walk of the day then lived in pure fear of pressing the big red button at the top of our remote control and seeing what was happening on the Rugby pitch. Fear not my beautiful family England were now winning and indeed won the game. 
   However this is a plea to Eddie Jones and his team of players, “Mr Jones and your wonderfully skilled chaps, please don’t give my family and the rest of the supportive nation a coronary next time you play. Win and win well in a calm and relaxed manner for all of us watching. On a personal note Mr Jones, I don’t want the black parts of my Yorkshire Terrier hair turning grey because of your on pitch performance. Thank you and good luck.”
Lastly I must say a huge congratulations to La La Land on winning the Oscar for Best Picture at last night’s ceremony… What do you mean they didn’t win it? I saw Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway and heard the announcement with my own pointy ears. Yes, folks this is todays fake news. Donald Trump must’ve been in his element watching the ceremony as the fake news phenomenon has moved from Washington DC all the way to “La La Land” Hollywood.

There we go people, I feel much better now I’ve got all that off my Yorkshire Terrier chest. Follow my therapeutic advice, express not repress!

4 comments:

  1. Oh dear, Mr Courier Man was a right dope wasn't he! I wonder if he had anythingy to do with the delivery of the gold envelopes at the Oscars?
    Loves and licky kisses
    Princess Leah xxx

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    1. Ah now there really is a conspiracy theory and a half. I think you could be on to something there. Alert the fake news media there's a flower delivery man with a film hating grudge on the loose. Love it! Licks and paws, Elsie. xxx

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  2. Our mum would have been apoplectic with fury if that had been her sending those flowers. Sheesh, can nobody do a half decent job these days! See, she is even having a rant on your behalf.
    Elliot and Cricket x

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    1. Thank you for joining Mama J and I in ranting. See express not repress is working a treat. I think we could set up a hashtag. Wishing you a happy and stress free week. Licks and paws, Elsie. Xxx

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