This week in my life has been one of the most stressful weeks of my whole time here. Please don’t worry, I’m not needing therapy for something to do with my puppy-hood. Although Mama J does keep saying, “We” need to sort out my manners towards other dogs. Especially after I greeted a new puppy to the village with a loud bark of Adele’s song, “HELLO!”
No, this was all to do with my family’s purchasing habits. For some time now Mama J has been on a very special treasure hunt. However this hunt wasn’t to see if she could find gold in them there hills. It was a far more intricate affair than that and one that has required skill, wily drive and determination and an eye for quality. Mama J has been seeking out a red handbag!
For months now the call would go out from her bedroom and Granny would run up the stairs to see what bag beauty Mama J had found on this occasion. Then Granny would dissect the bags lack of quality, okay here I mean pockets and Mama J’s search would continue on its merry way for another day, week, month or even year. Yes, this ordeal has been going on for quite some time now.
On Thursday Mama J had the joy of having lunch with her best friend and her pals sister. Before they left for the pub Mama J was telling her friend of her handbag woes. Her friends father’s eyes glazed over, coma style as Mama J and her friend discussed enthusiastically what makes the perfect handbag. I think these two may have scarred the poor man for life. There’s clearly an art and definitely method in the madness of buying the ultimate bag.
Mama J came back with renewed vigour and took to the Internet for another search. She found a couple that were suitable, however after she had already paid good money for a backpack last year, she’s always a little cagy on actually parting with her hard earned money.
Mama J thought the backpack would make her look youthfully trendy. Well, she is in her late thirties now so she needs something to give her the edge again over all those spring chickens out there. She saw Cara Delevingne sporting one on a fashion blog and thought that was her must purchase bag. This bag unfortunately was a Cara Delevadon’t! As Mama J is small in stature this bag made her look five years old again. Yes, she was going for youthful but not turning the clock back to her infant school days. That handbag’s paper work was torn up into a million pieces, so she gave the backpack to her teenage cousin, who looked fabulous with it on her back.
So on Thursday evening the jungle drums started banging once more and Granny again made the perilous journey up the stairs to see what delights Mama J had found this time. To Granny’s surprise Mama J had found a very similar bag to her pink Fossil Morgan one (which she loves to use on a day to day basis) just in her desired shade of red instead of pink. It had a number of pockets on it, just not as many as her beautiful Fossil bag but something Mama J thought she could compromise on.
On Friday morning Mama J sent an order into Dougie at Debenhams. Dougie knows Mama J very well as he processed all her bras when finding the ultimate bra for her lack of Baywatch boob frame was her mission. With a new bag must come a new purse and Mama J’s fingers went click, click on John Lewis’ website as she saw a red one that she said wouldn’t be too much trouble to get used to.
Yesterday morning arrived and Mama J was up with the lark as courier’s emails came flooding in. Firstly there was a knock at the door with Mama J’s new red handbag. She ripped into the packaging like an excited young child at Christmas. She tore up all the paper work and exclaimed this bag was, “Perfect!” Mama J waited until her red purse had arrived before transferring everything across into its new home. This is where the dawning realisation set in. The new handbag didn’t have as many pockets as the old one and then there was the new purse. Too say it looked like it had eaten the whole of everybody’s Christmas dinner was an understatement. It was proper bulging at the seams due to all Mama J’s store cards and coinage. Whereas everything fitted into Mama J’s Fossil bag and purse comfortably this all felt like a squeeze too far.
Granny looked at Mama J and Mama J looked back at Granny then they both looked at the two handbags together. Sorry but this was a pocketless compromise too much for Mama J to bear. As Granny searched the bin for invoices to piece back together, Mama J went speedily on to swap everything back to its rightful place, in her old bag and purse. Mama J is now going to purchase the Fossil Morgan in majority of the colour range that is globally on offer and breathes a huge sigh of relief at never having to look for another handbag again. The trails and tribulations of finding your desired handbag and purse is right under your nose!
This wasn’t the only purchasing blunder my family made this week as Granny and Grandpa got in on the act too. We have had a fetching looking blow heater sat on the worktop at the bottom of the kitchen. This works an absolute treat in warming up the large room at nippy periods of the day and night.
Granny and Grandpa are looking at redesigning the kitchen at some point this year and popping an Everhot in to both cook on and give a background warmth to the area. Until this happens they decided to buy a permanent blow heater that could be wall mounted above the cupboards to give off some heat. The one they found did its job to a point. However after Grandpa struggled for a good hour and a half on Friday morning putting it up, they all collectively decided that the less powerful (that’s what it says on the tin, sorry in the manual) blower wasn’t giving out the same level of heat as the trusty old one. So two days after Grandpa got on his ladders to put the blow heater up, Grandpa went back on his ladders to take the blow heater down. Yes, folks the wonderfully hot former blow heater is back on the kitchen top and Mama J for one is ever so pleased!
I’m going to confiscate all iPads, iPhones and Mac computers from my family until they learn to buy the correct items in the first place. Oh they do buy the correct items in the first place, then they spend a fortune finding out they had the correct item to begin with. There must be some therapy I can get them somewhere in the country! That’s right I don’t need to pay anything out I just need to hide their gadgets in a very remote part of the house! I’m off to do that right now.