I made Mama J RUN! Yes, that really is a statement and a half but it is exactly what happened last Monday afternoon, whether Mama J wanted it to or not.
   Granny and Grandpa went out to look at an Everhot cooking and heating system for our kitchen re-design that’s happening later this year followed by a cheeky pub lunch (how come I never get invited for some yummy nosh) leaving Mama J and I to our own devices. When Mama J put her coat on I said to myself in my Yorkshire up Dale accent, “Here we go again. I’m about to be left for a spot of clothes shopping.” Then Mama J grabbed my tartan coat, harness and lead out of the cupboard and I realised we were going for a walk. Aww I knew there was a reason I loved my Mama J so much. Yes, okay you can have a sick bucket if you so desire, I’m getting too gushy mushy I know.
   As we headed out the door I was pulling right to go on mine and Mama J’s usual route down the village however Mama J had other ideas and took me to her car. Oh dear we aren’t off to the Vets again are we? As we headed towards the neighbouring village I realised this a trip of pure pleasure for me instead of an annoying medical trip. Yippee!
   When we got to the next village I got so excitable as Mama J was getting me out of the car I nearly pulled her arm out of its socket. Well, that’s what Diva Mama said would happen being the medical expert that she is. 
   Now this is where my pure joy for fun took over me. I think it was the sunshine that made me feel all hedonistic (don’t worry I was high on life not narcotic drugs) but as we walked down the road I wanted to feel the breeze blowing more swiftly through my wild strawberry blonde locks. The sheer pleasure came over me in a massive wave and I wanted to run, yes RUN faster and faster! I took off strutting my stuff with Mama J trotting and trying ever so hard to keep up behind me shouting, “ELSIE SLOW DOWN! ELISE PLEASE SLOW DOWN! MUMMY CAN’T COPE!” As I looked back Mama J was huffing and puffing and her face was going the shade of a British post box, red ever so red indeed. I thought to myself that I better slow down as I’m really enjoying myself today and I want more fun walks with Mama J in the future. Also I want Mama J to just still be alive after this experience!
   Mama J’s skin tone returned to its usual shade of healthy pink plus her heart rate scaled back down shortly after we stopped running around the village. She confessed to me when we got home that she hadn’t ran anywhere since she left school… Oh that was almost twenty-one years ago now. Ah yes think I better go gently with her exercise routine in future. Remember slowly, slowly catchy Elsie, sorry monkey. What did Mama J just mouth at me? I am the monkey! She’s a cheeky monkey too but as we found out last week she can’t catch me just yet so I don’t have to be so liberal with my language. That doesn’t mean I’ll be going all Donald Trump with my outbursts though so you needn’t worry.
After a few stressful walks with Granny and Grandpa, for them not me, to do with my behaviour it has been decided that I need to make more doggie friends in the village. No, I don’t get a say in this but it is going to happen whether I want it to or not.
   Mama J consulted the oracle otherwise known as Google and she came up with, wait for this, I’m building the anticipation as I type, doggie hypnosis! I’ll just call Paul McKenna and see what he can do for me. It will go something like this, “Look into my eyes. Yes, into my eyes not around my eyes and sleep! You will be the wonderment of calmness and joy whilst out on your walks. You will spread joy to all you meet, both humans and dogs alike. You WILL (see the emphasis on that word) make friends with every dog you come across. One two three and wide awake!” 

This isn’t the only thing that could help me in my quest for pooch friendship as the oracle that is Google also said to combine hypnosis with classical music. I’m more of an Eminem girl than a Mozart fan coming from the mean city streets in my previous life so I will need to tune into a different musical beat. Mama J then scoured iTunes and found two gems entitled Canine Lullabies and Canine Classical Dog Music. These albums are meant to have a calming influence over dogs as their pitch and tone is akin with a pooches ear for sound.
   So on Saturday night when I was already chilling out watching Will.I.AM’s whacky antics on this seasons The Voice my ear drums were infected by Mama J playing Mary Had A Little Lamb through her iPhone. I didn’t care about Mary or her bloody Lamb nor did I care about London Bridge falling down, sorry residents of London I know you maybe affected if you are cut off from your homes but I just wanted to watch The Voice. 
   Mama J was enthusiastic though as she found a song entitled Furry Elsie. This is it, it’s a sign, a beacon of light from the universe. Furry Elsie was going to chill out furry Elsie. I do actually feel most honoured to have a song named after me. I mean before Kaiser Chief’s wrote Ruby or Dire Straits penned Romeo and Juliet there was indeed Furry Elsie. Okay Mama J if I have my very own song I guess I could try getting in the zone and giving this classical music a go. Grandpa also found me one of his classical music albums that is meant to be relaxing in its theme.

Now we can play the classical music in the house, I get how that would work in calming me down but am I going to get a pair of headphones small enough to fit my Yorkshire Terrier head and ears? Granny suggested a bandana with earphones strapped in. Oh how cool will I look strutting my stuff? Every dog will want a pair, I’m such a groovy trend setter. However Mama J’s old school suggestion of a ghetto blaster on her shoulder was just as cool a look. People do I go retro or move with the times in my playing of Furry Elsie?

I'll be away until Monday 13th February 2017 while I get used to the hypnotic sounds of classical music. I maybe in a zen like state when I return. Start humming and chanting with me now! 


  1. It's funny how getting in the car always makes you think of the dreaded vets, shudder.
    Love your tartan coat, very chic!
    Mums friend always used to put the radio on for her budgie and he used to dance to it, it was both cute and hilarious.
    Have a nice break, see you when you get back.
    Elliot and Cricket x

  2. We hate the car for the same reason. Have a great day!

  3. That Sharp GF-9191 would be my choice, I have one!