Granny has found a new dating website! “What?” I hear friends of my family cry in unison. I must say Granny is very happy with my Grandpa and is not wishing to have an affair or commit bigamy like Coronation Street’s Peter Barlow did in 2003, when he was married to Barmaid Shelley and Florist Lucy at the same time, cheeky boy! The trouble and strife that man got himself into. He sprung to mind as he’s returning to “The Cobbles” next week to send all female hearts a flutter once more. Anyhow just thought I’d better clear that almost Hollywood or should that be Hollyoaks scandal that I’ve generated up here? I don’t want Granny’s impeccable class and reputation being tarnished in the process of writing this blog.
This dating site find (ah the car barn find of the dating world) came about as a result of wanting to titivate Great Granny BB’s house ready to rent it out and the site in question is called mybuilder.com. Granny emails these extremely “handymen” and they ring her back all hours of the day and evening. I say evening as Granny is definitely not a lady of the night telephone call wise. In fact anyone rings the house or a mobile phone after 9.00pm and we (my head pops up from its cushion next to Mama J too) all look at each other then the clock in horror. Her mobile however has been littered with calls and Mama J is loving it!
Mama J sends Granny to discuss her plans for the jobs she wants doing and asks her to “check them out”. Now I would have thought you could specify on match.com should you wish for a man who is good with his hands. Oh dear this is getting crude now! There’s no wonder women think there are only unsuitable men looking for just one thing on these sites. Anyway then Granny reports back to Mama J as to the man’s age, marital status, height and so on. All these details that would most probably show up on a dating form as well but this adds to the excitement. Then if she’s interested Mama J might just pop by once they start the work in question along with Granny, just to see how they are getting on. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Honestly it is like a bad Government plan that most probably will have an odd three thousand u-turns along the way. Especially if Granny’s tastes in men differ from Mama J’s. Mind you they both seem to like Gerard Butler so a burly builder type might be what Granny thinks is to Mama J’s tastes. We shall definitely see!
One of the jobs Granny wants doing is for a shed to be taken down and a piece of new fencing to be erected in its place. The last time Mama J did any woodwork she made a totem pole aged fourteen years old in Design and Technology class. She cut great chunks out of this poor unfortunate piece of wood, chunks that made it look nothing like a totem pole. So I think she’ll be leaving it to the professionals this time.
I had such a busy day yesterday as I went to the grooming salon, otherwise known as the dining room table. I was looking out onto the pretty road we live on though so I can’t complain to much at my outlook from on high.
Now I may have mentioned this before but the first time I had my hair cut when I arrived from the RSPCA, I thought I’d better behave myself in fear that my family would send me back. Having being here twenty-two months now, I feel I’ve got my feet firmly under the dining room table I was stood on. I feel I can relax and wriggle around a lot more than I did the first time Granny clipped me. Did I wriggle yesterday? Granny said, “Stand still Elsie!” so I shook my booty. Destiny’s Child and their Bootylicious tune haven’t got anything on me. Grandpa tried in vain to hold me but if I wanted down from that table, then down I was lifted. Mariah Carey you’ve taught me and my diva behaviour well.
Anyway in the end Granny managed to trim all my fluffy ends off and my fringe is no longer in my eyes. So yes other pooches of the village I can see you now in all your technicolor glory. I was then taken up for my monthly shower just to remove any residual dirty from my paws and my under carriage (ah that means tummy, I did wonder where my horse was to go with my carriage at the point of typing that line) and then Mama J came home from work to warm me up with lots of kisses and cuddles. I always do more than just the Hippy, Hippy Shake when my hair and especially my head gets wet.
Mama J not to be outdone by me and my hair styling endeavours also went to the hair salon last week and asked her Colourist to perform a miracle and make her hair look like it did when she was nine years old! A challenge or what there?
She had found some extremely old school photographs and decided that natural strawberry/golden blonde hair colour was so amazing that she wanted recreate the colour. Her Colourist was so brilliant and made a real effort in trying to turn back the hands of time, although I don’t think Mama J should go the whole hog and go for the au natural look fully and leave her make up in its owl printed bag. Some looks are just a step too scary for the outside world to take!