“Here we go again!” I whispered under my breath as the front door slammed in my face. They are going out without me, the star of the family, the one who brings all the turns (comedy or otherwise) into their lives.
As I saw Mama J waiting for Granny to turn the car around in our neighbours driveway I had another lightbulb moment (Oprah calls them “ah ha” moments but to me they are just common place especially on a Monday morning wink, wink). I know how to utilise my body to maximum effect with my roll onto my back manoeuvre, which makes me look so cute and endearing, all in the hope that my family takes me with them. Therefore if Mama J notices me bouncing surely she’ll not only take note of my athletic prowess and yes remember I’m here but she’ll also see my eagerness to be with my family at all times of the day and night.
Here I go, JUMP! Just like the Pointer Sisters and more recently in their cover version of this hit song Girls Aloud sang, I was having to Jump (For Your Love). Mama J and Granny are you listening? Yes, for your love and a delicious day out in the car. I was Jumpin’ Elsie Flash and it was a gas, gas, gas apart from on my knees. Ouch don’t you know I’m no spring chicken anymore?
Mama J saw me Jump just like Van Halen suggested and smiled at me bouncing up and down at the window ledge. I think she was thinking that if I kept up with my jumping for another four years I may make the Olympic Trampoline Team. That or if Robson Green and the cast of City (Christmas/Northern) Lights ever reformed to make another series that Robson’s character would have a rival in the trampoline stakes next time himself and his family were sent into witness protection.
Anyway my bouncing bomb act didn’t work and I was left to practice my jumping. Now I wonder if I put a back flip into my routine to the Kris Kross song Jump and wore my trousers backwards like they used to it may have the desired effect?
Granny’s car is finally fixed, hooray! The fuel pump and other technical parts that a female Yorkshire Terrier doesn’t really need to know about have been replaced.
At one point Granny’s Mini Cooper S ran like an old school version that hadn’t had its manual choke pulled out quite far enough. It coughed and spluttered along the road so much when starting from being stood cold for a few days, that I thought I was going to have to roll my furry sleeves up and give Granny a paw push even down the hill on the main road.
Along with the coughing like someone with a sixty a day smoking habit Granny’s car had more lights flashing than Blackpool Pleasure Beach and the Las Vegas Strip combined. As well as musical tones that would rival any child’s toy.
Mama J had a classic Mini as her first car but couldn’t get used to the manual choke at all. The Mechanic who she sort advice from at the time asked her if she’d remembered to put petrol in it, as he didn’t see what her problem was as the car named Tigger Bella Bing (what a name to come up with, I did well being named Elsie) ran perfectly fine for him, cheeky boy!
She still reminisces through rose tinted glasses each time she sees one on the road or watches a classic car programme on the TV. Stick with Primrose Mama J, your yellow peril gets you from A to B without a splutter.
With Granny safely delivered to pick her Mini up Grandpa and I went for a walk in our neighbouring village. I reckon Grandpa must’ve have sent out a warning prior to my visit as we didn’t see another dog for me to say, “Hello!” to in my enthusiastic manner the whole way round. Shame I do like to make my presence known especially when I’m not on home turf.
So Poldark started again last night on BBC1. However I won’t spoil the plot line for anyone who missed the series opener. I have much more pressing things to talk about rather than the actual story. Mama J has told me in no specific terms that I have to mention how gorgeous she thinks that the Actor who plays Ross Poldark, Aidan Turner is! There Mama J I’ve done my job for you this week. This is just in case Mr Turner likes to read comedy blogs written by highly amusing Yorkshire Terrier’s such as myself. Naturally I think he would!
Mama J was chatting with two of her customers and her colleague on Saturday about Aidan Turner and she was rubbing her thighs with her hands whilst talking, in the way that Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer used to address Ulrika Jonsson on 90s quiz show Shooting Stars. Eranu! Oovavu! Ohhh Poldark!
She was telling them about an interview she’d seen on BBC Breakfast with Aidan Turner and Louise Minchin. Lucky Louise got to ask the questions and was like a giggly school girl in the process. I thought the BBC did serious journalism! Having said that Mama J admitted that she would probably need mouth to mouth resuscitation if she ever met him (from the man himself). He was asked whether he had been asked if he was going to be replacing Daniel Craig in the role of 007 James Bond. This sent Mama J into a tailspin as the sheer thought of him fighting off the baddies to save the world whilst sipping Vodka Martinis and wearing a beautifully fitting tuxedo was too much for her to bear. Can someone please get Mama J a very large… Fan now? Mama J had wanted the equally delightful Idris Elba to play the role however I don’t think she’d object at all if Aidan Turner took it on. Fickle or what?Mama J is hoping that Ross Poldark will be doing some more gardening on his land this series, as seeing him without his shirt on was definitely a series highlight for her and many other viewers last time round. I’m sure Alan Titchmarsh didn’t have that effect when he used to present Gardeners’ World! Mind you I believe his books have more muck in them than is under his green finger nails.