I dragged myself up off the sofa arm, cleared my throat and nervously announced to the group, “My name’s Elsie Bear Cherub and I am a cheese-aholic!”
My red face making confession came about last Wednesday lunchtime when Grandpa and Granny brought the bags full of shopping in from the car. I promptly stuck my head firmly inside one of the bags and swished it around trying not to arouse suspicion. Sadly Granny noticed my beautiful face had disappeared into the cotton shopper bag and asked, “Elsie what are you doing in there?” I pretended to ignore her as I wanted what I could smell through the packaging so badly. I rooted around some more then found the grand prize, CHEESE! I had a nibble through the packaging of not the Double Gloucester or even the Cheddar but of the 5 Counties pack. Well, if a girl can’t decide which cheese she likes best, variety is definitely the spice of life and the order of the day!
Then I felt my body being lifted backwards and the cheese packet being prized from my cheese loving jaws in slow motion. The cheese was then placed on the kitchen top (or the counter as Mama J calls it. She’s such a shop girl) by Granny. I looked up at Granny who was giving me a very half hearted cross but amused look back. Then my gaze moved to Mama J and then Grandpa who were creasing themselves laughing at my cheek and audacity.
I kept leaping up at the kitchen top as I could see all of the cheese packets placed one on top of the other ready to go in the fridge. With cheese as my goal I could get an Olympic gold in the High Jump in four years time if I trained hard enough. I then came up with a thirsty plan, oh my lips were dry by this excitable point. If I can’t have the cheese for this cheese and wine party, I better make an attempt at a heist of some wine. I started nudging the bottles but again Granny spotted my attempts at kicking off a lunchtime soiree and loaded up the wine rack to spoil all my fun.
I obviously had made such an impression being a small and portable dog on our friends when they visited our house a few months back that they decided to join the land of small dog ownership themselves.
Mama J was warned about Lulu’s razor sharp puppy teeth before she followed her out into their friend’s garden for a play with her and her toys. She managed to keep her mitts safely away although her floaty chiffon top kept swooping in her mouth’s direction. “No Lulu baby this is a new top, you aren’t meant to nibble on it.” Mama J explained giggling as she spoke. Lulu seemed to understand (she’s such a high street (Dorothy Perkins) loving pooch already) and left Mama J’s top alone while they played some more. After the excitement of meeting my family Lulu went to sleep hidden under a cushion, her eyes and nose just peeping out just in case she needed to be on high alert for anymore fun. Our friends then tried to persuade my three to become Chihuahua owners and get a little boy one in particular so I have more chance of getting on with it. I would have other ideas should that event occur!
On coming home from meeting Lulu, Mama J keeps mentioning “Ernie” and saying that he is, “Oh so quiet!” Granny’s been playing along with this charade too and replying, “Yes he’s no trouble when I take him out either!” Well, so long as “Ernie” stays an imaginary friend, just like the Toy Story song goes, he’s got a friend in me!
On tidying up at work yesterday Mama J’s colleague ushered her attention to something on the floor. There sat the biggest brown fat legged spider Mama J had ever seen. As well there had been a banana box left in the area ready to be filled with tobacco products for the Petrol Station, so Mama J thinks it could’ve been a foreign spider too. Mama J shifted out the door of her department and ran around the corner towards the store entrance quicker than Usain Bolt ran the 100 metres final yesterday.
She stood there shouting with her heart going like the absolute clappers, “You’ll have to get that out of there! I’m not coming back in unless it’s gone!” Her colleague who didn’t like spiders either bravely and carefully popped it into an open tupperware box and then put a piece of cardboard over the top and handed it to another colleague to go put it outside the building and as far away from Mama J as possible.
On re-entering her department Mama J’s colleague joked that it had probably been there all day and asked could she imagine it running up her leg and then back. She’s such a wind up merchant that one! This sent Mama J into a tail spin of a shudder for the rest of the evening.
I think the spider may have solved my being left alone issues though as I could go along everywhere with Mama J just in case she needs protecting from the eight legged beasts!