SEEKING GRANNY LEAVES FACIAL EXPRESSIONS IN CASUALTY

Last week was a strange old week for a little Yorkshire Terrier like me, with my family coming and going at all times of the day and evening. I restrained myself from saying night there as there were no midnight/moonlight flits (don’t worry they haven’t done any bank jobs that they are on the run for… to my greatest knowledge anyway) but only just on that score.
   Great Granny BB’s health is deteriorating, therefore my Granny is having to spend more and more time at her house looking after her. For a creature of pure and unadulterated habit such as myself this was too much to bare as I do love my usual evening routine. 
   Mama J and I would normally sit down after tea around 7.00pm. I lay across her lap and we watch Emmerdale until Granny and Grandpa (sorry Mrs Patmore and Carson) come in after washing the dishes.They have invented a machine to take care of that task, do you think I should tell them? They bring wine, rum sometimes gin and tonic and the odd beer in with them and then we all watch TV together. I move from Mama J’s lap onto my cushion (oh yes I have my very own padding for my bum and tum) where I stay until it is time to go out for my bedtime wee. 
   I always have my dinner (oh I love that word when it is ushered from my Granny’s lips along with the words do you want some) at 6.00pm but my family have been having their’s around the same time as mine. Great for my belly as Grandpa always gives me tit bits and earlier tit bits than usual is always a huge bonus.
   Mama J and I therefore have been settling down with an evening milkshake (for Mama J, I just get exotic filtered tap water to sup on) and Hollyoaks for company on the television while Granny and occasionally Grandpa have been going over to make sure Great Granny BB is comfortably settled in bed.
   Tuesday evening was particularly odd as Grandpa came home but Granny decided to stay the night with Great Granny as she was so bad that evening that she didn’t want to leave her. To me Granny became The Scarlet Pimpernel. I seek her here, I seek her there but I couldn’t find her anywhere! 
   I looked out the living room window, I looked in the hallway and when I went to bed I looked around the rooms upstairs too. Grandpa let me out for my nightly toilet activities, that’s normally a Granny job and then he started running a bath, another Granny job. I sat on the landing looking out the skylight, “Granny, Granny wherefore art though Granny?” Oh her absence was turning me all Shakespearian. I’ll be joining a theatre group if Granny keeps up this disappearing act and a travelling one at that. Now back to my lines! Grandpa got into bed and I joined him just incase Granny had magically reappeared in a puff of smoke, oh we are onto pantomime now. What theatrical training I’m getting here? Now before you ask no she wasn’t behind me.
   The next day Mama J and Grandpa popped Mama J’s car to the garage for its annual service and MOT test and then I was put out of my misery and taken to Great Granny BB’s where to my utter delight I was reunited with my Granny. How I licked her face and gave her big cuddles!
I mentioned last week that Mama J was anticipating the return of the hit BBC medical drama Casualty after a four week Olympic hiatus. Well, Mama J was going to record it and watch The X Factor (what dilemmas these TV Executives cause in our house) and keep abreast of Holby City’s A&E department on Twitter. Twenty-seven minutes before transmission her face began contorting. Was she doing her facial exercises? Go on Mama J I believe it goes like this, “EEE. AAAAHH. OOOO!” That’s better you now look twelve years old again. No, these were signs of anxiety and worry as to what might unfold in the fictional (yes fictional someone please tell Mama J it’s not real) hospital. 
   At 7.58pm Mama J changed her mind and decided she couldn’t wait another almost twenty-four hours to find out her favourite characters fate. She decided to watch Casualty! Mama J’s face was a dramatic picture within itself and her decision to watch Casualty caused Granny to get a fit of giggles at the anxious looks on display in our living room and my paw to get slight pangs of pain every time she began squeezing it at a dramatic moment. Every five-seconds of the feature length episode to be precise (it was a long hour and forty minutes) when she thought a character or two were in mortal peril.
   I’m going to embarrass Mama J here as I found an example of her face in full fear flow that I wish to share with you all. This is to show you full extent of what she was like, however this was taken when Mama J used to go horse riding and Seamus the horse took off into canter mode. Grandpa was the shocked/amused one snapping this photograph when Mama J invited him to watch one of her lessons. Look at the fear and times it by one thousand and that is the image we faced last Saturday evening.

   Casualty character’s Connie and especially daughter Grace aren’t out of the woods yet and the story and probably Mama J’s facial antics continue in tomorrow evening’s episode of Holby City. Wish me, my left paw and Mama J’s blood pressure luck please!



BOOM! THE FOX AND THE POO EATING POOCH

On Tuesday evening while Mama J, Granny and Grandpa were having their cup of tea, in Mama J’s case accompanied by a Malted Milk biscuit, there was a sight for sore eyes occurring right outside our living room window. In fact it wasn’t just a sight for sore eyes, it was a sight for those with an extremely strong stomach constitution.
   The black Labrador that our neighbours have been looking after ran out onto the grassy area in front of our house and squatted and did a number two. Granny and Grandpa looked at each other as if to say, “If the neighbours haven’t noticed the dog is out and has done a number two, which one of us is on picking up duties?”
   After a minute the dog was still strolling around and sniffing at the poo, then events took a sinister turn. The dog stopped sniffing and started scoffing up the poo! Well, at least it’s a self cleaning pooch I guess! Grandpa had to cover his eyes as it began to turn his guts. Mama J and Granny kept on watching, with a mixture of total shock and weird total awe too. You know when you know you shouldn’t be looking at something but just feel compelled to? This was like a nature programme the BBC’s natural history department had never and really should never cover.
   I was disgusted. Being a lady of discerning palatable tastes, cheese mainly, eating ones poo isn’t anywhere on the appetite menu for me. The dog was devouring the poo by this point, as I like Grandpa now had my paws firmly over my face. At one point Granny through the, “Oh’s, err’s and YUCK’s!” squealed, “Oh look it’s hanging out of its mouth like a string of sausages!” Sure enough it was like the Labrador had gone to the Butcher’s shop on the high street, cleverly ordered a quarter pound of sausages (yes dogs really do know how to communicate with the local Butcher) and was taking them proudly back to its owner to be cooked for tea. Only these sausages I don’t think would ever win any prizes for taste, (tell that to the munching dog) smell or quality! 
   Grandpa was still in shock and said never to mention this incident again (oops I’ve broken that promise here) and Mama J just kept quoting the, “Walls… Sausages!” television advert over and over again.
   On seeing our neighbours taking said poo eating dog for a walk later in the week, we were all pleased that it was firmly on a lead so we didn’t have to watch a replay performance.

After the poo eating vision we all had our dinner. I enjoyed my Lily’s Kitchen with a dollop of lovely (no it wasn’t poo I promise) Chappie and my family ate a lovely grill up (a fry up for the more health conscious amongst us apparently). 
   After dinner Mama J was still revelling from a clip from this weeks episode of Casualty where Clinical Lead Connie Beauchamp’s car blows up. Casualty was taken off air for a four week break due to the Olympics action, much to the disapproval of its avid fans on social media. It left viewers literally going over a cliff edge as Connie and her daughter Grace were last seen hurtling over the cliff top in Connie’s stylish silver Mercedes.
   As Mama J described the clip finishing with the word BOOM, Grandpa came out with, “Boom. You’re very down with the kids using the word boom!” Granny and Mama J just looked at each other in an “has he flipped” sort of way then they looked back at Grandpa and gestured that they required more information with their hand movements and facial expressions.
   Grandpa informed them that at the shooting competition of the village fayre the other month, the gentleman who organised this part of the event’s son just kept saying, “BOOM!” every time someone hit a clay pigeon. This was apparently a slang term for the word great, well according to Grandpa anyway.
   Mama J said, “I wasn’t saying it in a down with the kids street way. I’m not talking about Adam West’s version of Batman and Robin, kerpow! I was taking about Connie’s car blowing up in Casualty. Do you want to see the clip?” Grandpa didn’t seem to take this on board and just kept explaining that it was street terminology and that Mama J was very trendy in her use of the English language (not as trendy as I am though, a pooch from the mean city streets. I learnt some colourful language in my past let me tell you). He then went and got the iPad and looked up the word “boom” and the Urban Dictionary definition goes like this: Exclamation: Used as an oral exclamation mark but in a purely conversational context. Its function is not as heightened as the afore mentioned symbol so its impact is designed to simply reinforce ones point or statement. Generally found in light hearted, but not overtly humorous, situations.
Dinner's ready.... Boom. 
Just quit my job... Boom.
   Oh dear Mama J wasn’t as down with the kids as she thought and fifty-seven year old Grandpa obviously has all the urban lingo flowing through his veins. 
   After dinner Mama J did a bit of street dancing (well okay waving her hands in the air in a non rhythmical way) to a snippet of Boom! Shake The Room by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince that she found on iTunes. “Boom! Shake, shake, shake the room!… Tick, tick, tick BOOM!” she sang. “Oh stop it now will you!” I winced, “Here I, here I go now!… To watch Emmerdale. Mama J are y’'all with me?” By this point I hadn’t come here that night to hear the crowd go… I just wanted to go chill out on my cushion with Mama J and see what the Dingle clang were up to. BOOM!
Last Thursday morning I wasn’t able to go for my usual weekly visit to see Great Granny BB, as she hasn’t been very well at all and she had a house visit from the District Nurse and two of her very good friends were also there doing some jobs for her. It was deemed with the house being a hive of activity that I may not be able to keep my cool, hold my nerve and keep bloody quiet! Okay I see their point.
   While I was laid peacefully in my bed at home, Mama J, Granny and Great Granny’s best friend Sue were treated to the garden equivalent of a Sir David Attenborough nature programme. There was a beautiful fox laid flat out sunning itself at the bottom of Great Granny’s garden. 
   Mama J disturbed it slightly by pulling the blinds up so she could take a clear picture of it in all its splendour. It gave her “the stare” then popped its head back down and went back off to sleep. Mama J and Sue became a fox watching tag team while Granny got on with her weekly cleaning duties. They’d take a slurp of their tea then run in to see if the fox was still there. It moved onto the path but only left the garden completely when Granny had to get the lawn mower out of the shed.
   Mama j was relieved I wasn’t there on this occasion as I would have disturbed the fox entirely with all my vocal commotion. 


SPIDER SENDS 5 COUNTIES RUNNING WITH THIER CHIHUAHUA'S

I dragged myself up off the sofa arm, cleared my throat and nervously announced to the group, “My name’s Elsie Bear Cherub and I am a cheese-aholic!”
   My red face making confession came about last Wednesday lunchtime when Grandpa and Granny brought the bags full of shopping in from the car. I promptly stuck my head firmly inside one of the bags and swished it around trying not to arouse suspicion. Sadly Granny noticed my beautiful face had disappeared into the cotton shopper bag and asked, “Elsie what are you doing in there?” I pretended to ignore her as I wanted what I could smell through the packaging so badly. I rooted around some more then found the grand prize, CHEESE! I had a nibble through the packaging of not the Double Gloucester or even the Cheddar but of the 5 Counties pack. Well, if a girl can’t decide which cheese she likes best, variety is definitely the spice of life and the order of the day!
   Then I felt my body being lifted backwards and the cheese packet being prized from my cheese loving jaws in slow motion. The cheese was then placed on the kitchen top (or the counter as Mama J calls it. She’s such a shop girl) by Granny. I looked up at Granny who was giving me a very half hearted cross but amused look back. Then my gaze moved to Mama J and then Grandpa who were creasing themselves laughing at my cheek and audacity.
   I kept leaping up at the kitchen top as I could see all of the cheese packets placed one on top of the other ready to go in the fridge. With cheese as my goal I could get an Olympic gold in the High Jump in four years time if I trained hard enough. I then came up with a thirsty plan, oh my lips were dry by this excitable point. If I can’t have the cheese for this cheese and wine party, I better make an attempt at a heist of some wine. I started nudging the bottles but again Granny spotted my attempts at kicking off a lunchtime soiree and loaded up the wine rack to spoil all my fun.
After my failed attempts at being a cheese muncher my family went out to see another dog! Oh Wednesday was a bad day last week! They went to meet Lulu the Long Haired Chihuahua for the first time and my whole family were extremely taken with her as she is truly cuteness on the grandest scale.
I obviously had made such an impression being a small and portable dog on our friends when they visited our house a few months back that they decided to join the land of small dog ownership themselves.
   Mama J was warned about Lulu’s razor sharp puppy teeth before she followed her out into their friend’s garden for a play with her and her toys. She managed to keep her mitts safely away although her floaty chiffon top kept swooping in her mouth’s direction. “No Lulu baby this is a new top, you aren’t meant to nibble on it.” Mama J explained giggling as she spoke. Lulu seemed to understand (she’s such a high street (Dorothy Perkins) loving pooch already) and left Mama J’s top alone while they played some more. After the excitement of meeting my family Lulu went to sleep hidden under a cushion, her eyes and nose just peeping out just in case she needed to be on high alert for anymore fun. Our friends then tried to persuade my three to become Chihuahua owners and get a little boy one in particular so I have more chance of getting on with it. I would have other ideas should that event occur!
   On coming home from meeting Lulu, Mama J keeps mentioning “Ernie” and saying that he is, “Oh so quiet!” Granny’s been playing along with this charade too and replying, “Yes he’s no trouble when I take him out either!” Well, so long as “Ernie” stays an imaginary friend, just like the Toy Story song goes, he’s got a friend in me!

On tidying up at work yesterday Mama J’s colleague ushered her attention to something on the floor. There sat the biggest brown fat legged spider Mama J had ever seen. As well there had been a banana box left in the area ready to be filled with tobacco products for the Petrol Station, so Mama J thinks it could’ve been a foreign spider too. Mama J shifted out the door of her department and ran around the corner towards the store entrance quicker than Usain Bolt ran the 100 metres final yesterday.
   She stood there shouting with her heart going like the absolute clappers, “You’ll have to get that out of there! I’m not coming back in unless it’s gone!” Her colleague who didn’t like spiders either bravely and carefully popped it into an open tupperware box and then put a piece of cardboard over the top and handed it to another colleague to go put it outside the building and as far away from Mama J as possible.
   On re-entering her department Mama J’s colleague joked that it had probably been there all day and asked could she imagine it running up her leg and then back. She’s such a wind up merchant that one! This sent Mama J into a tail spin of a shudder for the rest of the evening.
   I think the spider may have solved my being left alone issues though as I could go along everywhere with Mama J just in case she needs protecting from the eight legged beasts!


AN OLYMPIC FALL LEADS TO HAIRDRESSING GREATNESS

Last Thursday morning Vidal Sassoon was reincarnated into the form of a fifty-five year old glamorous female otherwise known as my Granny and I was on paw to see her work in full flow. 
   Now I will confess that my Granny did used to work in a hair salon. However her responsibilities were to answer the telephone, take payments and make the occasional cup of tea for the salon’s charming clients. At no point was she ever trained in the art of using any scissors, razoring equipment or hair colourants. 
   Great Granny BB though thought she had acquired the skills to cut her hair and praised her with the notion that she, “Must’ve picked up a few tips along the way!” Mama J cautiously pointed out that Granny was a Receptionist and was kept very much separate from the hustle, bustle and hair dryer blows of the main salon floor. 
   Granny’s only other hairdressing experience was trimming hers and Mama J’s fringes (trying not to make them look like York’s Bar Walls as she snipped) and giving me my illustrious style, which she developed through watching YouTube videos of how to cut a Yorkshire Terrier’s hair. Now I don’t mind if my fringe isn’t quite straight or if the fur on one of my legs is slightly longer than the fur on the other side. However Great Granny BB maybe a little upset to look lopsided (unless that is the rage on the hairdressing streets these days). 
   Anyway the cut and blow dry began in earnest. I went and laid nervously on Great Granny BB’s sofa next to Mama J keeping my paws crossed for a positive result. About twenty minutes later (quick scissor action there indeed) and Great Granny BB emerged from her kitchen perfectly quaffed and preened to hair styling perfection. She was so pleased with how her hair looked and exclaimed that Granny had done a better job than her usual stylist who is away on a month long holiday at present. 
   Her new look barnet was an additional bonus for Great Granny BB who is feeling brighter at the moment, as her condition is being medical managed with pills and potions. 
   Mama J told Granny to text our lovely hairdressing friends and offer her services in their salon, as with a little guidance and full training she would be unstoppable in the hairdressing world. BBC1’s Cutting It eat your heart out!
On Friday lunchtime with Great Granny BB doing so well Granny and Grandpa decided to take her out for a few hours to see if she could find a new plate, as she wasn’t getting on too well with the one Granny had given her. So a trip to Dunelm, Tesco and Wilko was planned.
   Grandpa popped my lead and harness on and I got mighty excited at the prospect of going out with them. My excitement and enthusiasm was then so cruelly crushed about two minutes later when I was taken not to the car but in the opposite direction and down the grass away from my house slightly.
   “Damn you Grandpa!” I thought as I was escorted around in circles to encourage me to do a wee. I’m an extremely smart pooch (I mean I write this blog each week so natural intelligence is definitely a forte of mine) and I got the dawning realisation of what was about to happen here. I was going to be bloody left in the house, on my own (you can start singing the song from Les Miserable here with me, “On my own. Pretending he’s beside me.”) with only the local radio station for company. All Grandpa’s sympathetic looks fell on deaf Yorkshire Terrier eyes and ears as I was in a big time strop with my favourite member of the family.
   I did my costumery wee as I thought it might do my case for going out with Granny and Grandpa some good but sadly my attempts failed and I was left on my own for a couple of hours.
   Mama J came home from work (she doesn’t let me go there with her either, for fear that I’ll give her customers a more stern level of customer service than they are used to with my acidic at times tongue) and was told of my disappointment of the day and she give me a cuddle for the upset I’d endured. 

The Olympics started this weekend. A massive well done to Adam Peaty and Jazz Carlin for their achievements in the pool. Let’s hope this gains Team GB momentum in the medal winning stakes and more greatness is ahead of us in the coming weeks. 
   I’m going to be making Mama J a gold medal. I’ve already started watching old Blue Peter videos and YouTube pieces using tin foil, cardboard and sticky back plastic. She will win her medal at the end of the Olympics and Paralympics if she manages not to do a forward falling long jump over the course of this years events. 
   Four years ago Mama J went flying at work over her own two feet (yes a form was filled in negating the company of any responsibility) badly spraining her wrist as she fell. Her poor colleague was in such shock as well as at seeing Mama J hurtling through the air. She was off work for a whole week and at the start of that week was in such pain that getting showered and dressed was too painful. Mama J is just a clumsy soul and was at the time just taking water with her drinks so can’t even blame alcohol for her major wobble over.
   The timing of her fall meant she could enjoy the highs of London 2012 (every cloud) although Mama J has said she’s more than happy not to throw herself about, to go to work this time around and just catch the paws and fingers crossed highlights on the News. Good luck again to Team GB, go on and smash it!



A CLOTHING CULL OF HOLEY CHAIR PROPORTIONS INSPIRES FLYING POO

Mama J turned demonic last week in the wardrobe tidying stakes. She’s more ruthless in her clothes sorting than former What Not To Wear Presenters Trinny and Susannah combined. When helping Granny cull her clothes she has one eye on the contents of the cupboard and then one eye on the open charity bag that is ready to be filled whether Granny likes it or not. Although she is found to be just as decisive with her own clothes, especially this time round.
   It all sparked off when Mama J decided to smarten up her act whilst looking down at her baggy white t-shirt that even the four brightly coloured Italian Job inspired Mini’s on the front couldn’t save, teamed up with an ocean blue bobbly cardigan that had seen better days, say the days of the late noughties! With the help of Granny and a large black bin liner Mama J set to work. Okay she sat in her Internet chair while Granny proceeded to flash items of clothing in front her while Mama J surveyed her wears and made the final cut. 
   The first debatable item was a pink and white knitted jumper that looked like something your Great Great Great Granny would wear. After a few minutes of it being sat on the bed Mama J decided to the charity shop it must go. Then came her rainbow coloured Ralph Lauren jumper. Mama J liked this brightly coloured top at the time she bought it but the shine was taken well and truly off it when she sent a picture of her purchase to a friend of hers and he declared it looked like something he’d seen on Time Team. Not an ancient metallic relic that a metal detector had discovered and then was dug up. No, this almost identical top was seen on Professor Mike Aston before his untimely death. Mama J’s top might of being Ralph Lauren but I don’t think the fashion guru would want to be associated with Professor Geek Chic do you? 
   The next item that failed to make the cut was a recent purchase of Mama J’s, her humbug patterned boyfriend cut trousers that Mama J had avoided wearing like someone with a phobia prior to their anxiety treatment. Every time Mama J was looking for trousers to wear she’d always plonk for her trusty jeans. Granny got her to try them on and she decided that she looked like a mix of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. It was time to stop… hammer time for these 90s inspired fashion madness, baggy trousers as Mama J can’t touch this or avoid this wardrobe malfunction anymore. 
   The final items that didn’t make the grade were Mama J’s black now distinctly grey looking long sleeved t-shirts. They had faded so badly through wear and wash that no colour catcher in the World was going to save them from the bag of new charity shop life.

   On sorting her wardrobe out whilst sat in her Internet chair and then proceeding to order some replacement bits of clothing a worrying event was happening beneath Mama J’s butt cheeks! Psycho music if you please this really was a horror film in the making! Mama J was chaffing a hole in her Internet chair, a hole that on discovery Granny had to sew up immediately to stave off further ruin. Mama J has told me to tell you that rest assured she does not have a big bum, nor does it look big in any trousers, apart from her MC Hammer pants that are now firmly in the charity shop. Just wanted to make that abundantly clear. Also she said to tell you that the material on the high back chair that makes Austin Powers’s outfits look positively dull, is extremely thin. 
   So after singing, "There's A Hole In My Chair, Dear Liza!" a new Internet search began. Mama J couldn’t decide whether to replace the chair with something different or just get a cushion to perch her derrière onto. At first she found a new style plastic rocking chair. It was a combination of literally an old primary school chair with a metal rocker. Very trendy however Grandpa pointed out that Mama J would probably finish up on her computer then catapult herself across her bedroom like a kiddie with a sling and some rocks. A daily trip to A&E? I don’t think so.
   The catapult idea inspired a twist (Mama J’s been watching too many Horrible Histories) from 1960s retro to Medieval historic looking chairs (what a beautiful mind Mama J has). She was looking at a very Regal Chesterfield flame red Queen Anne Chair. It was very posh but not quite what you’d expect to see in a modern day bedroom Then Mama J went from the sublime to the ridiculous as she jokingly (well was she joking at this point) said she wanted King Arthur’s throne. Delusions of pure grandeur or what? Anyway Granny burst her bubble (I think she didn’t want anymore tea orders from Queen Jools) by getting the tape measure out and instructing her that any royal chairs would have to remain in Buckingham Palace and wouldn’t be coming to Mama J’s chamber.
   It was decided that Mama J would order a seat cushion and she found a £6.99 red and white gingham one on eBay which matched the border of her existing back cushion and is perfect for her bum and her ailing chair. Result!
   I had my usual Thursday morning visit to Great Granny BB’s last week, however this was a trip with a difference. Mama J and I had to go out for a stroll around Great Granny’s neighbourhood as the District Nurse was there chatting through Great Granny’s care needs when we arrived and it was decided that I was too vocal to be present while the medical conversation took place.
   Granny and Grandpa are usually in charge of my walks so I got extremely excited when Mama J said, “Let’s go Elsie!” In fact I was so excited I nearly pulled Mama J’s arm out of its socket to get us up Great Granny’s road and around the corner. “Slow down Elsie! I can’t prance as fast as you can!” Mama J exclaimed. As we turned the corner we were met by our first set of dogs, two Staffordshire Bull Terrier’s and a gentleman. I started barking and the bloke walking them gave a wry smile. I turned all Robert De Niro in the Taxi Driver and barked even louder as if to say, “Are you smiling at me?” Mama J escorted me quickly around the corner.
   My next encounter lay in the bushes in the form of a very cute green eyed fluffy cat. Mama J spotted it first and ushered me from her left hand side to her right but I looked at the cat and didn’t bat an eyelid. Mama J reckons there must be a little feline mixed in with me somewhere down the line. Mama J I assure you I’m all dog and a Yorkshire no nonsense one at that!
   The next thing to happen on our eventful morning stroll was quite amusing to me however very shockingly brown to Mama J. I decided I needed a “number two” so pulled Mama J onto the grass and squatted down. On finishing my poo Mama J then squatted down to pick it up (not to sound like a doggie owners training manual but she’s a fine dog owner indeed) just at the moment when I decided to boot it like Cristiano Ronaldo taking a free kick at goal. Poo was flying everywhere as Mama J looked on in sheer horror. Once the dust and poo had settled she placed her hand in the bag and attempted to pick up the poo that was now not in a tidy pile ready to be just picked up but was splayed all over the grass. Mama J who is by her own admission not fully trained in the art of poo picking ended up with some of my bum contents all over her hands then had to wipe them off with the corner of her handkerchief. She looked at me, laughed and said, “It’s good job I love you Elsie Bear!” 
   As we moved around the corner we spotted what Mama J thought was the cat again. We moved happily forwards the creature then Mama J realised the cat was making barking noises from its mouth. Boots The Opticians have been sending her reminders to go along for an eye test and I think she should be taking then up on their offers. The cat turned out to be Chihuahua named Teddy. We only found this out as Teddy’s owner was calling him back from their driveway frantically while apologising profusely to Mama J for Teddy, who was now bearing down on us like Lewis Hamilton going for a Formula One overtake. Mama J just froze like she was playing the children’s game of Musical Statues, but Teddy fortunately was very responsive to his owners cries and returned to the safety of his driveway. We moved swiftly on again around the corner.
   When we got to the top of Great Granny’s road once more after we found that the Nurse’s car was still parked in the driveway, so we walked on and straight into the path of a Border Collie. Fortunately as we were in the city suburbs it was minus its sheep. On this occasion Gabby Logan was not required to scream, “Release the sheep!” By this point I was wound up and started barking frantically and spinning around on my lead as Mama J dragged me across the road. We wandered around the corner towards the shops and then Mama J decided it was time to go back (whether the Nurse was still there or not) to get a well earned cup of tea (for her) and a rest on Great Granny’s sofa for me.