NATURE'S JUST A VACUUM OF HEALTH AND FUN

Move over Chris Packham, Michaela Strachan and Martin Hughes-Games as I present you with more riveting nature spotting tales than you and the other members of the Springwatch team could shake a stick at. Just this morning I have being a foot (I’m an old school measurements sort of a Terrier, hope I don’t get fined Pooch and Mutt treats by the EU for my lack of metrics) away from a Squirrel. Grandpa and I were strolling along in the sunshine (yes I know a weathering miracle has occurred) when out like lightning came the Squirrel with me in Uma Thurman Kill Bill style hot pursuit! Cue “Battle Without Honor Or Humanity” music and a yellow jumpsuit to get me into the zone for this chase. Sadly for me the Squirrel was a wily old character (obviously this wasn’t his first Great Escape) and made a very spirited escape up the tree with me watching on quietly at the bottom, just incase he lost his footing. Poor Grandpa didn’t know what the hell was happening at first as I spun him around on his axis but soon cottoned on to the fact that I was after a morning apĂ©ritif, a doggy style brunch with a difference. This isn’t the only nature encounter I’ve had in recent times. I was mistaken for a horse the other week. I know it’s a long shot even by Shetland Pony standards that I could be a horse but this Bumblebee (for the purposes of this blog post we’ll say he was a warm, fuzzy and friendly Bumblebee, he was actually a Worker Bee) obviously got a little confused by my Yorkshire Terrier exterior finish due to my wild mane and jumped on my back for a ride along the lane. Granny was more than a little troubled by my rodeo rider due to her and Marble’s stinging encounter with a swarm of bees at the back end of last summer, so it was up to Grandpa to evict the Bumblebee from my back in a pain free manner for all concerned. He swotted it off with great ease into a nearby flowering bush and we continued on with our walk.
The last nature story I have for you is about the return of Mr Foxy Bingo and this return was bigger than that of Game Of Thrones Jon Snow in our house. He was spotted charging passed our living window the other Friday evening at 8.55pm (his movements are logged in my nature diary just incase I’m ever required to give evidence should he attack any prey and need my help defence wise). Mama J jumped to attention like she was doing a new form of squats at a gym class and made her way excitedly to the window for a better look at the fleeting one. Then three nights later he was spotted again down the road heading towards the fields with a very special friend indeed! Yes, Foxy has acquired himself a girlfriend. So I was correct in my assumptions that this party boy was making himself well and truly known around the area when he went AWOL and had picked up the hottest chick (not a real chick please don’t send in the Hounds) in town and bought her back to his field for natures version of Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get It On to be played in the breeze.
I was sent in as GI Elsie twice last week but my mission wasn’t an aggressive and war creating one at all. It was to spread a little happiness and cheer to my Great Granny BB as she’s been having some health problems recently. The first time I visited I met one of my Great Granny’s oldest and dearest friends, who when I said, “Hello” scooped me up and give me a big bear cuddle. She was brave as I’m always wary about being grabbed by strangers but I liked her warm, friendly and had an extremely chatty manner so I let her off with a lick. The second time I went to visit the Vax vacuum and the washing machine caused a ruction! The appliances did it not me I promise! They sent my tail and brain into a spin and made me very loud indeed. I must explain we have a vacuum cleaner and a washing machine at home. I don’t want anyone thinking I live in an unkempt house with the great unwashed but these ones sounded so much different to my trained ears than Granny’s machinery. Plus this vacuum had a green light on it which made me quite fearful as it was hurtling towards my paws and almost flickering in an, “I’m going to get you” sinister way. Now it really was like Tzant sang in the 1990s club anthem, Sounds Of The Wickedness. Anyway Granny told me if I didn’t shut up I wouldn’t be visiting on cleaning days again. I was a good girl from then onwards and until the end of the cleaning session and sat quietly with my Mama J in the naughty corner of the sofa. Oops!
Mama J had a revelation the other night and boy did our household hear about it. I’m not talking anything religious here so don’t worry I’m not going to be doing any cult like preachings. This was a technological revelation as she was playing about with her iPhone 6S. I never get to mess about with it other than taking pictures for Instagram. (@elsiebearcherub) See I came pre-programmed with an excellent work ethic. For some unknown reason (Coronation Street adverts came on) Mama J decided to open up the pre-installed Health app (she’s had her iPhone since January and the iPhone 5 previous to that) and found that when she was out shopping with Granny or her friends and walking me she was clocking up not exactly the air miles but certainly the foot miles. She was quoting figures in miles not metres of how far she had walked around the local shopping centre in the most enthusiastic way and then started wandering around the room, mobile in hand (my toy of choice is Terence Turkey but each to their own) to try and get her step count up for that particular day. She exclaimed, “Wow I’ve done all these miles without thinking about it. Imagine if I actually tried!” She then looked at me, smiled and then I knew my claws were going to get worn down a little further walking wise with the addition of her new found toy. Better get my lead and harness ready, I can feel some pavement pounding coming on!

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