HIDE, SEEK AND SOME SPEEDY BEATRIX POTTER SICKNESS TO BOOT

I turned into a bit of a Cheetah on Tuesday lunchtime (don’t worry I haven’t abandoned my canine routes and gone to the dark side and changed into feline character, I’m not a Transformer) when I chased my neighbour down the road like she was prey on an African plain. 

Granny arrived home from doing Great Granny BB’s shopping and I could hear voices (not of devilish kind which were in all my head like the Coronation Street Sarah Platt storyline at the moment) from the other side (not from the spooky place of Nightmare On Elm Street with Freddie Krueger been a regular unwanted visitor) of the front door. It was Granny saying a polite, “No” to our neighbour who was trying to get her to volunteer her time for an up coming village event which is taking place in a few weeks time. When she’d given her very valid reasons the front door opened and as Granny arms were full of washing that she’d bought back from Great Granny’s and her eyes were focused on not tripping over me, she missed me whizzing passed her and out of the open gate to make our neighbour fully aware of my presence. 

I ran so fast, in fact as fast as my little Terrier legs would carry me and in the process shocked/impressed Granny who was shouting down the lane at me, with my speed of movement. When I caught up to my neighbour I sat down, looked up at her as if to say, “Give me fuss now!” and then let her pick me up and carry me back to the loving arms of my dismayed Granny who nicknamed me her little Houdini for my bid full escape for freedom. 

My actions on Tuesday confirmed to Granny, that oh dear, I must never go off my lead when out for a gentle stroll, as if we came across a Rabbit, Dog, Horse or those cheeky stalker Squirrel’s I told you about last week, I’d be off like Meat Loaf’s Bat Out Of Hell song, faster than any other girl has ever gone!
My family and I (for some parts) played the old fashioned children’s game of Hide and Seek on Wednesday afternoon as we ran upstairs (Mama J was much slower than the rest of the family as she didn’t realise the urgency to move) to hide from door to door sales people who came a calling. 

We’ve had a number of duster sellers and charity collectors over the previous few weeks. The other day Mama J opened the door to an ex-convict who told her he wouldn’t hurt her. Very encouraging! I was on stand-by and Door Doggie protection duties. I’ve been practising the lingo, “Your name’s not on the list, you’re not coming in!” My previous owner before I was adopted by my gorgeous family was a Night Club Doorman so I know all the moves, fully and to the letter. 

We peered out of Mama J’s bedroom window, ducking and diving so they couldn’t do their wheeling and dealing, as we saw the gate open or heard the bushes rustling and we also thought we’d better turn the iTunes album we were listening to off at the moment they entered our property’s surroundings. Granny put the iPad down but I cleverly turned the music back on with my nose, Britain’s Got Talent here I come with that musical expertise. Clearly I loved Lionel Richie’s Dancing On The Ceiling a little too much to do my quiet surveillance duties properly. 

Later that day Mama J and Granny hid from Grandpa (these games are so repetitively fun) in Mama J’s ensuite. Grandpa had seen Mama J slope into her bathroom (she’s still just not getting the quickness in hiding concept very well here) and then close the sliding door behind her. Mama J and Granny (Grandpa didn’t know this was Granny’s hide away plan too) giggled away to themselves until Grandpa slid the door back to reveal their whereabouts. 

The reason they were in hiding was that they didn’t want to go to a show they had got tickets for. They had all been trying to come up with excuses all afternoon, such as we had an argument, I’ve got a headache, the list went on and on. I won’t mention who’s show it was for fear of reprisals. I’m making it sound like they were going to see relatives of The Krays here aren’t I? 

Needless to say in the end, although they had had their tea of pizza at lunchtime (Mama J said that was a reason they should go) I ended up been the catalyst of them not going as I sick all over the living room carpet and the stone floor in the hallway and Mama J didn’t want to leave me for the five or so hours that it would’ve taken to drive 60 miles there and back and watch a performance in between. 

Mama J, I don’t believe you’ve paid me yet for getting you out of going to that show (a show may I add that you raved on about getting tickets for when they were released), now I’ll take cheque, cash, card or PayPal if desired!  

It was Mama J’s turn to be poorly on Friday as she’d had palpitations the previous evening, throughout the night and into the morning. She got up and went in the shower but was still feeling ropey when she got out so laid on the bed to wait for her thyroid medication to kick in fully. Grandpa walked in and she told him she was feeling unwell and he said, “Is it because you are shocked about the EU Referendum result?” Granny looked at him and snapped, “No you daft bugger. Look how pale she is!” Mama J hadn’t done her make up yet but looked like she could give a Geisha girl a run for her money in the paleness stakes that morning. 

Mama J had to stay off work in the end but instead of watching videos to promote our blogging empire (her usual YouTube topic of reference) she watched an enchanting documentary all about the life of legendary Writer and Illustrator Beatrix Potter presented by Hyacinth Bucket (“Bouquet residents lady of the house speaking”) actress Patricia Routledge. She even learnt some tricks of the merchandising/book trade from back in the day that is still relevant now. 

Forget YouTube, making a story out of an animals tales is definitely the way to go! I think so and if you enjoyed this surely you agree too? Wink wink!

2 comments:

  1. Are you sure you're not part cat, Elsie? That or you found one of our instruction manuals laying around. You "cat" very well! ~Bear Cat

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    1. I feel I'm all doggie however the manual maybe laying around in Mama J's bedroom draw from the days when she was wanting to adopt a ginger cat and call it Geoffrey. Grandpa has allergies from his childhood to cat fur so this wasn't such a hot idea. I better work on my dog like behaviour some more though as I don't want anyone else questioning my dogulinity! Take care and have a great day. Paws and licks Elsie.

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