I’ve been a little cross this past week as Mama J and Granny kept going out and leaving me. They’ve been out this morning to the supermarket with a “T” in its name too, however I will let them off (just) as they came back bearing gifts from Pets At Home for my honorary birthday, which is on Wednesday. Food, beverages, toys or cheques are all warmly welcome people, just saying. I have two birthdays just like our country’s wonderfully spritely (for a now ninety year old) Queen Elizabeth the second. The reason behind my second birthday isn’t because I’m part of the royal establishment but because I was in care and it was 15 December 2014 when I came to live with the Chelton’s so it was decided that I should have a birthday six months after that, especially with it being so near to Christmas. It’s more gifts for me though so I’m definitely not going to whimper about that. I have managed to get one of my presents in my mouth already since they returned home. Granny put them at the bottom of the staircase and Mama J caught me having a less than sneaky peek (my head was like a pigs in its trough rooting away) in the bag. Fortunately I didn’t do my speciality game of find the squeaker in it otherwise it would have been like a school playground tug of war between Mama J and I. Mama J normal lets me win at this game, however I don’t think she’d be so generous with them being special presents for my birthday. Anyway what I spied looks interesting so roll on Wednesday when I can have a proper play.
The other times I was left I was not alone, although I do require all the sympathies a girly pooch can get as I was left my Grandpa. There’s nothing wrong with that as I adore my Grandpa, it’s just that for entertainment he cracked open his DVD collection from under the back bedroom bed! Arrrrgh! I had to put up with watching Ravioli, Penne, Lasagne Sheets, Fusilli, Pici WESTERN’s. No, these weren’t the John Wayne Americanised Western’s, oh no they’re far too low brow for Grandpa’s standards. These were Italian Spaghetti Western’s and by MY standards (and Mama J’s when she returned and found out the torture I’d been through) they were proper rubbish! I wanted Dirty Dancing and got worse, oh way worse than Dirty Harry. I did not get to have the time of my life, twice in a week. Granny joked that I’d be checking myself back into care had it not stopped. As for Mama J and Granny they had swanned off to the laundrette’s the first time and to a clothes party the second. On arriving at the laundrette Mama J changed Granny’s TV character name from Downton Abbey’s Mrs Patmore to Eastenders’ Dot Branning (she gets all the glamorous roles bless her) and asked her where Dot’s blue over coat was and whether she’d be popping it on to get into full character mode, cheeky bugger! On sitting there for one hour and twenty minutes, Mama J got increasingly bored. Even though she checked out her social media accounts and mine (she’ll be opening my post next if I don’t keep my beady eye on her) she started making, “WOOOO!” noises as the washing machines went on their final erratic spins with the two duvets and a throw they had in them. Oh dear the boredom had finally sent her loopy and Granny was looking at her in an, “I’m going to get you sectioned in a minute” sort of manner. I don’t think Mama J should ever do anything that would warrant a prison sentence (fingers crossed she won’t anyway or I’d be disowning her) or go to one of those religious retreats where you have to sit in silence all day baring a morning chant, the sound effects being different from, “WOOOO!” may just tip her over the edge of The Nunneries walls.
We have been watching plenty of football in our house recently, some of which has been very exciting and some extremely frustrating. The first game happened the other weekend and was so special as one of the ladies playing for the England Women’s team is such a close friend of our families. My family has known Rachel Daly all her life and we are so proud of what she has achieved in her footballing career so far. This is testimony to all her talent, hard work and dedication to playing the sport she loves for Houston Dash nowadays in America. On hearing of her selection to the first team Mama J had a little cry, as in her words, “It’s just so nice!” Then on match day itself Mama J rushed home from work for the 5.30pm (she even ran down the car park which is a miracle in itself) as she wanted to be home to cry (again) this time at the national anthem. Mama J had joked to Grandpa that Rachel may sing the line, “Land of the free and home of the brave!” as she’s got so used to playing for an American team and watching the Super Bowl, however she managed to remember to ask, “God to save our gracious Queen” and all was well in the anthem singing world. She did stand up while the anthem was sung & made me stand up too on the edge of the sofa arm with my paw clutched to my chest, now I'm a Yorkshire Terrier with a lot of national pride. Mama J was crying again about half an hour later when Rachel scored and then when Rachel’s fabulous family (oh they gave me so many cuddles) visited on Monday evening for nibbles, drinks and a good old catch up. They were telling us all about how kindly the FA treated them and Rachel and a story about a young fan saying how much she admired Rachel. On hearing this Rachel’s Mum told the little girl who she was just as Rachel walked through the doors to delight her with a selfie. Mama J is pleased that they invented waterproof mascara (it’s not a new thing I know) as there would have been a river of black running from her eyes as she is full of pride with all Rachel’s humble grace, not mention her skills and accolades. To top the whole day off Robbie Williams kindly tweeted Rachel prior to the game to wish her good luck on her debut. Mama J was so impressed by this. Before Robbie met his beautiful and quirky Loose Women star wife Ayda Field, Granny had decided that Robbie would make a great son-in-law for her. I also think Mama J was more than keen on the idea too as Robbie has a cheeky but lovely glint in his eyes that Mama J found quite endearing. Mind you Granny has tried in vain to get Mama J married of to every celebrity on the block over the past twenty years. There’s been Cristiano Ronaldo, Orlando bloom, Jonny Wilkinson and Michael Owen to name but a few. Don’t worry Granny has restrained from stalking these handsome gentlemen but with the invention of Twitter these days, it is easier for her to find out a guys romantic status should she get any ideas about trying to marry off the happily single (better throw that on in here) Mama J in the future.
The other game we watched was on Saturday night when we invited our neighbours round for Granny’s Lasagne followed on with the England Euro 2016 match against Russia. The Lasagne was lip licking good however the football was a damp squib of a 1-1 draw. To use a quote that Grandpa read in the Newspaper a few years ago, “Being an England fan means hyper expectation, dawning realisation, bitter recrimination and then repeat in four years time!” We enjoyed ourselves anyway as our friends are great fun but the news coming out of France of clashes between “football fans” (hooligans or thugs more like) was less than desirable. These people will no doubt be seen on the season finale of The Jeremy Kyle Show. I know I’m a Yorkshire Terrier with a little bit of characterful attitude but why do humans feel the need to get drunk and have a brawl? Enjoy the football and chill out! There I’ve had my disgruntled say now I’m off to the sofa for a rest.