This morning so far I’ve had to be strapped into my Barber-esque coat to brave the elements of Storm Katie. What a walk Grandpa and I had, it was bracing to say the least. A question now, why is it that since naming the wind and rain as an actual persons name have they been ever so severe? In the olden days it would have been an answers on a postcard job but now I think I may tweet the lovely BBC Weather Presenter Carol Kirkwood to see if she know the answer to my burning question. Following our walk Grandpa gave me a bath in the sink. Mama J is reluctant to lift me to sink height just in case she mistakes me for a rugby players ball and makes an attempt at scoring a “try” with me. Wise move Mama J as I don’t think a plaster cast is a look I really want to go for to finish off the Easter period.
So after making Mama J and Granny so proud the other week when I visited my Great Granny. Oh it was like I’d won first prize at Crufts with Mama J cooing to anyone who’d listen about my outstanding behaviour. I’m taking a bow here while typing this post. I was allowed back for a repeat visit last Thursday. Again I barked with pure anticipation as we drove passed McDonald’s. I’m going to be cheeky here and say that if I mention McDonald’s every time we go to visit Great Granny, one day I may just get a free Happy Meal for my keen promotional activities. Well, it’s worth a shot. Does anyone know whether the toys in the Happy Meals squeak? That is the big question for a noise loving pooch like me. When we got to Great Granny’s house, Granny just dropped Mama J and I off while she took Great Granny to her doctors appointment. I got a little agitated even though Mama J tried her best to calm me down singing to me. Well, is there any wonder I was agitated with Mama J’s dulcet tones bellowing in my ears. After five minutes of me whining for her to shut up Mama J interpreted my cries as, “I want to go out for a walk!” and proceeded to put her Yorkshire Terrier scarf (I wonder who inspired that purchase), coat and shoes on followed by my harness and lead. She then thought that seen as I was getting more and more excitable by the second that she better travel with pooh bag in tow and started fishing around Great Granny’s under sink cupboard. She pulled out the most massive pedal bin bag you’ve ever seen and stuffed it in her coat pocket. I’m only a little Yorkshire Terrier, just how much pooh does Mama J think I can produce? We set off to explore the estate surrounding Great Granny’s bungalow and sure enough after a few scent leaving wee wees from me (Mama J went in the toilet before we left) the excitement got to much and I squatted and did a pooh. Mama J being my ever so conscious owner pulled out the pedal bin liner and after what seemed like five hours later, I told you it was a giant bag to find the bottom of, scooped up my delicate offerings. As we proceeded to march on around the area some more, I looked up at Mama J who had an inquisitive but horror filled look on her face. She stopped swinging the pooh filled bag and turned to me and said, “I hope this bag doesn’t have air holes in it like supermarket bags!” I know I’m a dog and when I’ve got to pooh I’ve got to pooh but I did feel for Mama J when she made that statement as she was wearing a pastel pink coat (where was her dog walking Parker coat when she needed it), like the ones in the all the fashion magazines at the moment and well pooh stained is never in fashion is it? We did a photo shoot this morning to show you all the impracticalities of this beautiful (non stained may I add) pink coat when dog walking. We are not auditioning for the Yorkshire version of The Only Way Is Essex with our strolling outfits! Fortunately for Mama J the bag had no leakages and we made it back to Great Granny’s for a brew, a well earned rest and me sending Great Granny’s table lamp flying in my window watching activities. Oh dear how I ran to Mama J to protect me from a telling off.
Mama J got her pink coat a few years ago now but she believes she inspired Topshop’s crocheted jumper this season as she used to have one when she was a teenager. In fact she believed just like Banana Man and Super Ted that this jumper had special lucky powers. Well, I guess some people have lucky “pulling” pants so why not a jumper? This superstition was first founded when Manchester United were winning every competition going, those were the days! Now I think Wayne Rooney should maybe get Coleen to buy or knit if she feels inspired him a crocheted jumper for him so United can get back to their winning ways next season. However I must tell you that Mama J hasn’t always being the village’s answer to Kate Moss. She once purchased a cosy pink Fair Isle cardigan from Miss Selfridge for the winter months and was then watching the Christmas edition of Mrs Brown’s Boys and spotted Agnes Brown in her cardigan, see picture below. The BBC’s costume department had added some quirky pockets but it was that cardigan! Granny was watching the episode too and ordered Mama J to put it in the next charity bag for fear of embarrassment (to her not Mama J). Oh well even fashion icons need a day off every once in a while!
I stayed with Grandpa yesterday to provide inspiration for his latest painting. Mama J his Marketing Manager has advised him to paint a few more then either set up an eBay/Etsy shop or contact local galleries to sell his work. I better get a passport though as a few of his creative ideas are set in Paris and Rome and to get the full effect I better jet out there so he can paint me in all my glory. Mama J and Granny went to deliver a birthday present to my other Great Granny and when they came back I could smell DOG on them! They had cuddling and fussing Patch, Great Granny’s pooch. Although when Mama J showed me Patch’s picture I can see why. He’s extremely handsome and I think Grandpa should pop him in a painting too.