So Eagle eyed readers of this blog will notice that I’ve taken a three week hiatus from writing. No, I’ve unfortunately not been sunning myself in the Bahamas (although I did go in the sunny front garden while Grandpa was breaking his spade digging yesterday to cheer him on in his quest for weed free soil) more to the pity, Mama J’s £115.70 Euromillions win the other week didn’t stretch that far in monetary terms, especially with our five star tastes. It has been for extremely sad reasons I’m afraid as the Batman to my Robin, (or in my case Robyn as although the RSPCA removed my female reproductive bits I am indeed as David Walliams wails, “A lady don’t you know?”) Marble had to be put to sleep two weeks ago today.

His steroid, vitamin B-12 injections and antibiotics treatment did absolutely nothing to alleviate his symptoms and as he was beginning to be weaned off the steroids he became more and more lethargic and so slow on our walks that a snail even without the motivation of a nice cool beer (apparently they like the yeast) beat us in the 100 metres walk down the road. Marble’s legs were shaky on doing any exercise and he looked thoroughly miserable too. So after a highly traumatic weekend my family along with the guidance of our caring Veterinary practice decided that his obviously sinister condition wasn’t going to get any better and that the kindest thing was to put him to sleep. I decided rightly or wrongly to try and lighten the mood right when Granny and Grandpa returned from the Vets (Mama J stayed at home with me as she didn’t think my dulcet tones were appropriate under the circumstances. Hey I might have wanted to say, “Goodbye” too) bringing in Marble’s stuffed Turkey, Terence and squeaking it as loudly as I could. Let’s say it was a tribute to Marble as it was one of his favourite toys and he’d always bring it to frustrate Mama J. I must explain here why Mama J isn’t too keen on Turkey’s. Reason one she once invited a friend of hers to her 1999 staff Christmas party (see she even remembers the year the event traumatised her that much) and after initially saying he would go her friend rang her up and said he couldn’t go due to having to look after twenty-five Turkeys. He was a Butcher and the birds were dead so it wasn’t as if their welfare was at stake. Mama J was going to do a saucy photoshoot under the headline of, “Would you turn this down for twenty-five Turkeys?” but then thought better of it. Thank goodness Instagram wasn’t around in 1999 as Kim Kardashian may have had some competition on her hands! Onto reason two now. Mama J works in a supermarket and has to take Christmas Turkey orders which the other year came in a little too thick and fast for her liking and she got herself that worked up by the birdies and other festive food orders that she wound up in hospital with really bad heart palpitations. Well, actually it was her under active thyroid causing the problems but she still maintains the blasted Turkeys sent it over the edge that year and caused a six month palpitating spiral. Gobble gobble!
Since Marble’s passing we have had a cull of his larger toys and the ones that I would never play with and Mama J and Granny have donated them along with his bed, pillows and blankets to the local RSPCA. The one toy I did acquire was Marble’s cracker which was bought in all kindness by Mama J one Christmas but Marble couldn’t stand it, so it stayed in the living room draw as a deterrent for any bad behaviour from Marble. I on the other paw absolutely love it as it is brilliantly noisy and squeaks when bitten from all angles. Delightful for my families eardrums! I have also had a morning out where I got to go somewhere different to the Vets. We went to visit my Great Granny in Granny’s Mini. Ah we three ladies cruised so stylishly in Granny’s Cooper S that I almost asked to borrow Mama J’s Oakley sunglasses for cool effect. Mama J only made me bark once when she exclaimed, “We’re nearly there!” Seen as we were passing the golden arches of McDonald’s drive through at the time I got excited as I thought a Happy Meal was in the offing. Then we drove by with Granny giving Mama J the death stare for rocking my apple cart and getting my tastes buds going. I really enjoyed Great Granny’s house and I did a wee on the driveway before entering as instructed by Mama J, as she told me if I wanted to go on more days out I better not make a show of myself. As if! I acted like Devon last nights newly crowned Crufts champion. Congratulations to her and her owner by the way, what a stunning dog and a deserved winner of the top prize. I was in my element especially as Great Granny has a bungalow with a living room window that stretches from floor to ceiling. This is fabulous for a Yorkshire Terrier with a wonderment about the outside world. Okay that’s another politer way of saying I’m nosey but I’ll take it! Great Granny’s best friend Sue came round to meet me too and I got of lovely cuddles there too. Also as well as my morning out Mama J kept coming back from places with toys for me. She’s bought me some more Nylabones, plus a Duck and a Toucan. All in all I look to the skies like Cristiano Ronaldo on scoring a goal and thank my lucky stars that my family adopted me.

Lastly Mama J has put me on Snapchat as it’s all the rage in social media terms with the younger crowd so I’m told. Whatever next I ask you? If you want to follow my “stories” please scan my ghost (sounds spooky I’m assured it isn’t) at the bottom of this blog posting. Thanks for reading this and I’ll see you for more Elsie’s Doing A Comedy Turn (oh what a lovely ring that has to it) next week. 

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