VOGUE. THE PAW TARTAN FASHIONED VERSION!

Right so I’m sat in Mama J’s comfy folksy chair with my new Roland Mouret dress on and my claws neatly manicured and I’m loving the power dressing involved with my new blogging role. My fur is ready for a groom at the dog boutique, otherwise known as Granny and Grandpa’s dining room table. Oh the glamour! I have to have it done this way as I find other dogs apart from Mr Marble of course a challenge to be around. So a private trim, shampoo and set is an absolute must for me. Now my hair styling last time was done by Granny who copied a YouTube video to the second of every snip and quip. She did a sterling job so I will be keeping her on as my Personal Groomer. She brushes my wild wild hair so well anyway. Mama J my Personal Assistant will be telling her in due course so we can arrange a time slot for an appointment within my now busy writing schedule. Mama J has prepared me for my new role by making me watch videos from Vogue’s YouTube channel. I watched the start of one made by Alexa Chung last Friday and will be watching the rest in the coming days to add knowledge for this enterprise which I’m undertaking. Anna Wintour eat your heart out! Now Marble tells me this is a comedy blog so I guess I better throw in some old school jokes. Here goes:-Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Or how about this old gem? Knock knock. Whose there? Doctor. Doctor Who? Marble’s now giving me disapproving and almost dagger looks from his fan light vantage point on the landing. Oh dear I better not upset the Master had I? I’ll end up getting deposed before I’ve really got going. 
I believe Marble told you that I had been shopping last week with Granny and Mama J. Well there was more where that came from as Mama J was tasked to find me a new coat. I know another one but hey a career girl can never have too many smart coats. I wanted a red tartan one to match my collar and lead. I like to be a coordinated Yorkshire Terrier. My coat arrived this morning and it’s a stunning one, I hope you agree. Mama J also went ski coat shopping with a friend of hers and he wanted something to clash with his neon yellow (think Bob The Builder’s style. There’s no accounting for taste is there?). Oh the shame of the clash! He assured her that this was all the rage of the slopes of The french Alps. As he looked around the ski wear outlets, Mama J rightly told him he couldn’t wear beige as it should be banned from the colour chart! Ouch harsh but definitely true. He looked at an orange one but in the ended opted for a green one with yellow zips. Phew there was a little coordination there in the end. Then on the way back from the shops they went to look at a tangerine (yes you read that correctly) coloured car. Mama J joked that her friend would be dressed in a yellow pair of trousers with a green jacket and driving an orange Ford Focus! The whole wide World (yes even the far reaching parts) plus the International Space Station would have seen his rainbow extravaganza and heard Mama J squealing loudly that she might see her friend again if wore dark colours when he was with her, as too much brightness and she may need eye surgery from all the multi-coloured damage!
Okay so there’s not going to be any War and Peace ranting on from me. Marble does love to go on just ever so slightly with his posts. Even my Great Granny B told him to rein it in as he was getting little too wordy. We may have to have a write off instead of a Strictly Come Dancing dance off once Marble’s feeling better. I’ll sharpen my wit! I’ll check back in next Monday until then have a great week.

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