Monday, 23 November 2015

IN FASHION... APART FROM RUSSELL CROWE WHO'S COME SECOND TO A POWER SHOWER!

It’s arrived! Elsie, I and indeed the whole Chelton clan are now immortalised forever in polymer clay thanks to the brilliant work of artist Erica Sturla. Joolsy popped it on her social media sites (she had to steal my thunder) and her friends on Facebook in particular loved it. A lot of them were asking for Erica’s contact details for possible commission ideas they had in mind. Erica asked Joolsy if she could put the image on her website and Facebook page and Joolsy was delighted and said we’d all love to be famous especially Elsie and I. We are already social media starlets due to this blog and our growing Instagram fanbase so why not is our attitude? So people please form an orderly queue for our paw prints when we are out on our walks. We will be taking over the world next!

There was a fashion feature on This Morning the other day that had Elsie running for the hills, well okay behind the sofa into my usual place for contemplative thought (I’m a very deep dog). Gok was promoting dog clothing and after Elsie’s last foray into the fashion world with her hated red jumper (“A jumper that only a Mother could love!” Elsie claimed) she was not going to be anywhere in sight just incase Gok gave Joolsy any additional ideas. Joolsy coaxed Elsie out from behind the sofa promising her that she wouldn’t have to wear any fashion items again. Well, apart from her coats as they were for purely practical purposes, as without them Elsie shakes with the nippy cold that’s now in the winter air. Speaking of fashion Joolsy has finally got some new trousers for work. Her old ones really did show that grey is the new black in the fashion stakes, even though costumery work wear should definitely be more black in shade where Joolsy works. Firstly Joolsy ordered a size 8 from BHS that were size 8 if you were wearing stilts. Joolsy didn’t fancy this as she’s bad enough on her own two feet never mind adding to the equation by wobbling around on bits of unsteady metal, an A&E trip would be dawning. They were returned and Matalan was entered into the hunt for two pairs of trousers with belt hooks on them. They did some reasonably priced ones in the ladies wear section however reasonably priced and non shiny polyester tack with belt hooks didn’t seem to come together. Then Mum had an Oprah style “ah ha” light bulb moment and suggested they go upstairs (surely not menswear?) to the children’s section. Joolsy was regressing! She loves this fact as Joolsy’s favourite and happiest age of all time was ten as she says you have no responsibility at this stage of and life’s such great fun and full of hope and expectation. I’m looking forward to it in a few years time, that’s human years not dog years as I’ve been there already when I was a year and a half old! Now I’m Back To The Future confused here, think I need a lie down! Anyway sure enough they found two fantastic pairs of black not grey trousers aged fourteen. Joolsy's a slim bean and has been parading around her workplace in her new wears all weekend, she loves them and knows where to go next time she needs work based clothing. So to balance this story and to make Joolsy feel like the Grandma we all know she is in her clothing choices I must tell you about this. Another feature on This Morning with gorgeous Gok the other week was a feature on lace. This material gives Joolsy palpitations and it’s all down to Grattan catalogues Together range which every season for the last twenty plus years has featured he same lacy items. Different models are featured but the exact same clothing. Joolsy and her friend used to get excited when Mum’s catalogue was seasonally delivered and turned straight to the Together range for a good old belly laugh.They say it’s the simple things in life that give folk pleasure and in this case they aren’t far wrong. Anyway Joolsy fancied an old time giggle the other day but now has the luxury of her iPhone to give her a quick Together fix. However instead of being trendily appalled as Joolsy previously was, she actually found herself delighted by what she was seeing. For Joolsy nowadays these items were stylish and were on her must have hit list. Oh dear! There was one problem though as the items on this brand only started in a size 10 rather than Joolsy’s slender size 8. Joolsy is drafting an email as I’m typing this blog. However I think the Together range may have spared this 35 year olds blushes so I’ll be restraining her at all costs from sending any emails as I don’t want her embarrassing herself fully and going into full on Grandma mode just yet.

Joolsy’s been watching Ruth and her presenter favourite Eamonn’s television programme all about the super rich and has been taking tips from these people on the essence of hard graft. This means hard graft for yours truly with my blog/social media promotion and Mrs Patmore (Mum) and Carson (Dad) on domestic duties though, as apart from Joolsy’s twenty hour per week job she doesn’t really like to get her hands too dirty. According to Joolsy I just need to work even harder at being funny and the readership will grow! I’m not Peter Kay and sometimes I need a little inspirational intervention. I told Joolsy this and she made me watch Oprah online for a bit of inspiration and then Robin Hood. Okay I understand Oprah as she has the global brand of “O” which makes McDonald’s golden arches look a pale shade of yellow but Robin Hood? She didn’t mean the Disney version or sorry ladies the version where Kevin Costner bares his bottom in the waterfall. That scene is etched into Joolsy’s and I’m sure many women’s memories now forever more. No Joolsy meant Russell Crowe’s version of Robin Hood starring the wonderful Oscar winning actress Cate Blanchett and a gentleman who Joolsy has met on two occasions now (hob knowing or what?) Mark Addy. Joolsy met him firstly when she volunteered in a local charity shop and Mark and his lovely wife came in and purchased a number of children’s books. It was really funny as Joolsy had been to see Robin Hood the day before so didn’t want to appear too star struck by the starlet she was serving. The second time Joolsy met Mark, (no she wasn’t stalking him) was at her riding lesson as Mark was taking tutorials for his role in the now cult television show Game Of Thrones as he was going to be playing the King and needed to be able to canter through the woods. Joolsy’s fabulous Riding Instructor was his teacher and Joolsy’s claim to fame is that she sat on the same saddle as actor Mark Addy. Joolsy kept asking to her Instructor to ask him to bring Russell Crowe down as he’s one of her favourites and her Instructor thought of asking him if she could be on the set as she liked Sean Bean who was in the opening season of Game Of Thrones too. This was long before Kit Harrington’s demise/non demise. Back to Robin Hood and there is a sword in it which has the quote, “Rise and rise again, until lambs become lions” etched on to it. This means never give up, so Joolsy says that is what I must do to make our millions. My stress levels are rising here never mind my lion qualities. I think it’s just an excuse for Joolsy to watch Russell Crowe again. She liked him so much that Mum and Dad one year got Joolsy a cardboard cut out of Russell for her birthday, which they erected and prepared her Weetabix in the kitchen for when she came downstairs for breakfast. Russell is suited and booted in this life sized cut out so Joolsy got all dressed up in her beautiful red dress and did a photo shoot. I blackmail her with putting this on social media and sending it to the Gladiator star himself if Joolsy doesn’t give me biscuits. So far it’s done the trick as Joolsy doesn’t want Russell to run the other way should she ever get the opportunity to meet him. Russell lived in Joolsy’s bedroom and stood in front of her wardrobe until Joolsy had an ensuite fitted then Russell ended up coming second to Joolsy’s power shower (well sorry Russ you maybe an Oscar winner but she does love her long rainbow lit showers) so he’s now folded up in the loft somewhere. Right that’s it from me for today.   








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