Monday, 9 November 2015

EXPLOSIVE ACTION!

So last Thursday was Guy Fawkes Night and it started off with a long, large and loud BANG! Now as an auditionee to play James Bond’s dog and a pooch who has been clay pigeon shooting many times in the past with Dad, I did not flinch even my pinky claw as the shots were fired and the clays were broken up. Even after all my training, I jumped to attention at some of the fireworks. Elsie was on high alert the whole of Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Joolsy was even on the Internet at one point typing into Auntie’s Amazon and eBay search engines for ear muffs to add to Elsie’s growing wardrobe for next years banging and twinkling events. The ones she found were very industrial looking indeed and very well modelled by the dogs wearing them, some of them looked like they were super imposed onto the dogs heads. I reckon they were for workmen’s dogs whose owners had worked on a premiss where take your dog to work day meant literally every day not just one token gimmicky day of the year. Elsie would go in for this notion and a change in employment rules as she cries whenever Joolsy leaves for work. I on the other paw just lay quietly and knowingly that someone will be home in a jiffy, normally Mum who gets back from shopping just after Joolsy leaves for work on a Tuesday and sometimes before for a doggy handover.
I alluded to Elsie’s growing wardrobe a moment ago and it has expanded again this week with the addition of a Pringle-esque red jumper. Mummy put it on a very bemused looking Elsie for Joolsy’s arrival from work on Saturday evening. She couldn’t/wouldn’t sit down in it but did manage to do a sterling job of a mini photo shoot in front of Joolsy’s iPhone camera. Mum had to take it off her (arms first then over the head like a child, making her hair wilder than usual) as she was having a Naomi Campbell diva style turn straight after the camera flashes had stopped. On removing the jumper Elsie turned from stroppy mare into Julie Andrews playing Maria in The Sound Of Music in one fell swoop of the jumper. She was giddily bouncing around the dining room. I thought a rendition of the famous song was on the cards (I would having joined in howling along to the tune) but then Mama’s Lasagne was mentioned and all thoughts of any singalong The Sound Of Music drifted quickly out of our minds and thoughts of mince meat took their place, scrumptious!
Yesterday was Remembrance Sunday and the human elements of my family have been wearing their poppies with absolute pride. I’m not going to get too maudlin here as know I’m meant to be writing comedy and not an episode of Eastenders or an Adele song but I will say this. Elsie and I give a massive paw salute to not only all the service men and women who work tirelessly and bravely in defence of our beautiful country but also to all the dogs and horses that have helped these brilliant human beings along the way over the years. We can at best manage to give a paw and bring toys, only five times mind you though as our boredom threshold kicks in and we are on to our next trick of barking at people walking past the house, post flying through the letterbox and in Elsie’s case planes flying overhead. Whereas these heroes amongst dogs and in latter days horses go into conflict zones and do an amazing job aiding their handlers in battle so we can lay here and be fed dog treats all day long. A huge thank you, you’re all amazing!
Downton Abbey’s series came to a close last night and Joolsy is going to have Elsie and I making Blue Peter style banners once this is typed saying, “Make Lady Edith happy!” Oh dear I can see the painting flying around the dining room table and all over our fur now! I could hear Joolsy shouting, “Go on!” from her bedroom last night as Lady Edith finally tore a gigantic strip off Lady Mary. Elsie even whooped a bark too next to me on the sofa. Lady Edith is Joolsy’s favourite Downton character as she’s gone from shy, retiring door mouse to quietly confident, self assured, witty but still warm magazine mogul. She’s the ultimate Spice Girl and should Victoria Beckham not have time to do another reunion what with all her fashion designing, I think Lady Edith would be the perfect replacement! If Julian Fellowes doesn’t give her a justified happy ending come Downton’s Christmas finale I fear Elsie and I will be camping outside his house waiting for him to come out on a break from typing his next masterpiece for us to bite more than his leftover turkey crown. Joolsy will now be cheering us on pom poms in hand, not only in joyriding but in assault of the writing supremo that is Julian Fellowes.
I’ve had to type todays blog in two sittings as my Editor In Chief had a diaried engagement with James Bond, Joolsy was upset that this was not an actual engagement with him as that would be most exciting on her day off. Elsie and I have been stuck in the dining room in our beds with only the radio for company. Dad was winding Joolsy up before they left telling her to keep an eye open for John Barrie’s name as he wrote some of the musical scores for all the Bond films. Joolsy pointed out that Sam Smith wrote the song for Spectre and sure enough his was the only name they saw in the opening titles. They didn’t stay for the closing ones so we will never know if Mr Barrie’s name flashed up. Joolsy thought the film was typical “Bond” in its style and followed the same format as they all do. The opening sequence in Mexico City with the helicopter reminded her of a mixture of three things:- Black Hawk Down (everything with helicopters in it reminds Joolsy of that film. She was tempted to shout out, “We have a black hawk down, a black hawk down!” but though better of it as she’d been looking forward to watching the film and didn't want to be barred from the cinema). Emmerdale when they had the helicopter crash earlier this year and of course the 1980s TV hit show Airwolf. Joolsy has been humming the theme music since getting back from the cinema. Hope John Barrie didn’t write this music too, sure Dad would have it on CD somewhere if it turns out he did! Bond as usual gets into loads of scrapes and punch up’s but never ever looks beaten up. You’d have brain damage the amount of times he got hit around the head even in thirty minutes of this film. I reckon he could actually be Robocop or The Terminator and actually made of metal, just a movie mash up thought there to finish with this week.   












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