Monday, 12 October 2015

LIFTS

So you would’ve thought after Joolsy’s car smash disaster the Tuesday before last that this Tuesday would be slightly quieter on the drama front. Oh no Joolsy had a work related incident that happens to most people only once in a life time. This disaster has happened to poor Joolsy before. Sorry I’m building the tension here for dramatic effect…. Joolsy got stuck in the lift AGAIN at work!!!This time she had had her afternoon break and was making her way back to her department, so she was fine for all the necessary toilet trips that she does on her breaks and she’d had a drink of water as rehydration as we all know is important for a persons wellbeing. Not only for people but doggies too as I know that the amount of water I drink after my morning walk. So the lift doors shut and the red “1” light was flashing so Joolsy pressed the green “G” light to go down this too started flashing as the door engaged shut and then the lift didn’t move, not even one inch! Joolsy pressed the button to try and make the doors open and they did move, only an inch, oh dear! After trying this manoeuvre again twice more (she isn’t too quick on the uptake you see) Joolsy realised she needed to press the alarm button. Last time she was stuck Joolsy pressed this button and a manic person was almost singing to Joolsy the numbers from one to five with a bing bong at the beginning and end for good measures. What a tune to keep you entertained, The Lift Song might make number one in the charts one day. This time all the recorded “person” was saying was, “Please stay calm!” Hard when you are stuck in a lift but Joolsy just giggled and just kept ringing the alarm bell. After twenty minutes Joolsy heard the Security Guards voice, the alarm was finally raised. The Guard went and got Joolsy’s Duty Manager’s who tried to pull the doors open on the lift but to no avail. One of the Manager’s showed concern offering Joolsy a mobile phone if she got panicky. What was she going to do, play Candy Crush or ring for a Domino’s pizza delivery? The same Manager though decided to ring the lift maintenance company to get an Engineer sent out instead of calling the fire brigade as, “It’s not really enough of an emergency to warrant the fire brigade!” Joolsy at that point did think about saying she felt panicky just so a load of hunky Firemen like the one’s in her 2010 calendar would come and rescue her, oh what a damsel in distress! Anyway the lift Engineer was on his way, phew! The Security Guard kept trying to open the door. Joolsy said afterwards it was like a scene from The Shining, “Here’s Johnny (replace here with Guard’s name)!” Anyway after being asked if Joolsy had eaten too many pies and that’s why the lift had broken, cheeky beggars they eventually managed to get the doors jammed open enough to get slim (she thanks you here) Joolsy out safely, hallelujah! Joolsy along with her two heroes, the Security Guard and a member of the Cafe team who had also come to her aid walked, yes walked down the stairs (better get that one in there) to find her Duty Manager’s. Joolsy’s Line Manager said she thought Joolsy was taking the proverbial in been so very late back from her break or had simply gone home. There were jokes from her colleagues about her just wanting hunky Firemen to come and rescue her, ah they know Joolsy so well and other staff members were saying it could only happen to her, TWICE! She does however feel slightly better (even though she found the whole event hilarious) by the fact that a part is now on order for the lift so it wasn’t the Marks and Spencer’s Chicken Pie she had for her tea the night before after all. I’m missing out on comedy effect here though as I really must inform you all that Joolsy is a bit of a one for getting stuck in places she shouldn’t. She once went to the toilet at a shopping centre and managed to jam the stiff (she said) lock firmly shut. After trying to jammy it open again Joolsy rang Mum and said the immortal words, “I stuck in the loo and I can’t get out. Help!” Mum went to investigate shouting, “Jools which one are you in?” A lady pointed to the toilet door and said, “She’s in this one. Can’t she slide under the door?” Mum replied, “She’s in her thirties and although she’s only small I don’t think she’ll be able to squeeze under that gap. I better go get some help.” Mum went off and found a Cleaner who offered to get security or the fire brigade (there’s a wanting pattern emerging here with Joolsy and the fire brigade) Mum thought security would be less embarrassing for the whole family and opted for that option. By the time this conversation had taken place Joolsy had managed to bash the door lock open and was free. The lady in the toilets ran after Mum and the Cleaner screaming, “She’s out, she’s out!” like Joolsy was some escaped convict on the set of Prison Break. Oh and lastly there was the time when Joolsy managed to lock herself in, yes in her old car. Dad had washed Joolsy’s car the day before and because it was winter time the locks had frozen. You could open the doors from the outside but once by the time Joolsy was inside and was trying to get some warmth on her frozen windscreen they had frozen up and sealed and Joolsy wanting to get out and spray deicer onto the window realised she couldn’t get out of the car. Again she rang Mum who came out the house and got in the car with her… Disaster as on shutting the doors they both realised they were both stuck! Mum rang Dad who said in an exasperated manner, “Try the windows and open using the handles on the outside!” This worked and Joolsy and Mummy were free, hooray! Joolsy’s just waiting to see where she can get locked into next.  
Wednesday night was the final of The Great British Bake Off and there wasn’t a dry eye in our house when Nadiya won. Joolsy who once didn’t cry at anything (not even a family funeral) now could blub at someone reading out a shopping list, was particularly moved to tears when her idol Mary Berry weld up, what a pair they’d make if Joolsy ever got to meet Mary. She almost came close earlier this year as Mary was at a food and drink fair at a nearby town but no other family member was interested in going. Elsie and I volunteered however the family thought we might drool too much at all the food based delights on offer and show ourselves up. Then of course Joolsy might show herself up too on meeting the great Lady (she should be made one in Joolsy’s humble opinion for services to food and floral fashion) Mary, double whammy of embarrassment we could have caused, ah one day perhaps? Elsie and I were whimpering too along with the humans as we thought cakes were going to actually be on offer, sadly not, even throughout the whole series. Just what is the world coming to?
The family went to the dentist the other day and Joolsy sat down and was telling the Dentist all about Elsie’s rotten molars and the Dentist was saying her dog had bad breath, what a pair off doggies they make! My breath is excellent even if I do smugly say so myself, gold star there for me! The Dentist started Joolsy’s check-up and all was going well until, bang or should that be scrape she found a crumbling filling. “You’re coming out in sympathy with your doggy! I haven’t got time to replace it now you’ll have to make a half hour appointment to have it done and then have a scale and polish done too.” What a traumatic week Joolsy was having! First she gets stuck in a lift and then she has to have dental work. If she didn’t find the whole lift incident so funny (the Guard was muttering on about the film Speed and it’s frightening lift sequence when he freed Joolsy) she’d have been on the phone to The Speakman’s for an emergency appointment by now. Just thinking I wonder if E. L.  James was sat in a red dentist’s chair when she created Christian Grey’s Red Room in her blog/trilogy of successful books! Slap my paws but just a quirky, creative and naughty thought there!
Seen as Joolsy is carless at the moment after waving Primrose the Mini off last week for repair (picture when a soap character departs in a black cab (replace with Green Flag tow truck) and everyone comes out to see them off, that was Joolsy, Elsie and I) Mum and Dad are playing Chauffeur ferrying Joolsy to and fro from work. Mum listens to the local radio station in our area which plays a variety of music which is to Mum and Joolsy’s tastes. However Dad listens to Classic FM. Now Joolsy is no heathen as she enjoys Last Night Of The Proms every year. This year she even downloaded a picture of the Union Jack flag onto her phone and started waving it around when “Land Of Hope And Glory” came on, she’s a cultured soul our Joolsy! Sadly though Classic FM is not to Joolsy’s tastes at all. On entering the house after listening to what sounded like the same song on repeat for twenty minutes (she was counting even the seconds of that car journey) Joolsy was demanding the Mum gave her a lift to and from work he next day. They were playing John Barry’s greatest hits (Joolsy thought Queen’s greatest hit were a tad better for review purposes) from Zulu to Dances With Wolves. Joolsy’s whining about the music making her ears bleed was like wolves howling not dancing I can tell you. To top the whole thing off Dad was explaining that John Barry lived on the next street on from him when he was growing up. Joolsy wasn’t interested in listening to this man’s music never mind his life story. Joolsy said she’d rather listen to opera so then Dad started singing Mya Bambino. Joolsy had heard the beautiful tones of Katherine Jenkins version of this song before however Dad’s dulcet tones left a lot to be desired. Please don’t quit your day job Dad you’re no Paul Potts.
Almost forgot with all the drama and noise my tests results came back all clear, see no news really was good news last week, The Vet thinks it was just an allergy to my food and a slight urine infection after all. I’m doing well on my new food and hopefully should be bulking back up again after my summer diet. I sound like I’ve gone on a diet from one of Mummy’s women’s magazines to get myself body beach tankini ready don’t I? Speaking of modelling Elsie’s winter coat arrived in the post this morning and it’s a flying jacket. Mum and Joolsy have just been around the shops this morning and it turns out that flying jackets are all the rage this winter, in women’s fashion that is not dogs. Not to be out done by her bang on trend pooch Joolsy is now on the look out for a matching jacket of her own, what a pair of stylish divas they’ll be! Right folks I’m pawing off for this week as Elsie and I are getting ready for our walk. 


















No comments:

Post a Comment