JOYRIDING THROUGH PEE AND POO!

Now let’s get the “exciting” medical ailments part of this blog over with first. Over the weekend I have been put back on something that resembles dog like food. “Hooray!” as Mark Jenkin’s from Channel 4’s The Hotel would say. Yes, I am being slowly weened off my bush tucker diet of chicken and rice ONLY and we are adding rice and chicken dog food! Jesus will this obsession with chicken and rice ever end? Hopefully the treats will soon follow and I can feel like a child being given Rusks for the first time. Funny anecdote here, my Uncle who was in his twenties went into a chemist to get some Farley’s Rusks. When he was asked how old the baby was he replied to the amusement of the shop assistant, “25!” So Mum with the help of scientific analyses. That is poo watch when I was trialled on several “winning” dog food combinations since the start of the year. There was firstly a fish based substance our friend recommended that had a substandard reaction on my bowels. Diagram I’m sure isn’t necessary as you get my drift! Then we went onto a “healthy” grain free alternative and that gave me the same reaction as the fish based food. So I was put back on my original diet and is there any wonder my tummy hasn’t being too happy with all the Mummy meddling and has rebelled in major allergic reaction style? Anyway we shall see how I get on with this hypoallergenic version of dog food. Also I must tell about my wee joy, you’ll get the pun in a second. The Vet thought I could have Cushing's Disease. No, that isn’t what Elsie has which is Cushions Disease where she has to crumple and squish up all the cushions to get them to her optimum comfort level. To watch her is like watching an artist at work. Anyway I would have to have more tests done to determine whether I had said Cushing's Disease and then get it treated. First check was to get another urine sample. It was Dad’s turn to chase me around the yard on Friday morning while I did my morning wee of shame. I say Dad’s turn as it was raining and Mum’s hair didn’t require washing that day, a bit of unnecessary family information there. Dad managed admirable well though with getting my sample but put it a little too close in the fridge to the eggs for Joolsy’s liking. Yes, eggs in the fridge now there’s a Chef’s worst nightmare all right. At least it wasn’t placed next to Joolsy’s cooling smoothie as that would’ve been a different flavour and perhaps wouldn’t bring any of the usual health benefits Joolsy desired from her morning smoothie! A few hours after Mum delivered my sample the Vets rang with “good” news. They had looked at my sample thoroughly under a microscope (they need to get out more if that’s what they call entertainment) instead of just dip testing it and had found traces of an infection. I hope there were also some man juices in there too as this dog, well he’s still got it! Okay I must stop being crude now. The Vet has put me on a two week course of antibiotics which should hopefully do the trick. Only one embarrassing sample left to do then we should know fully. The Vet did however say that if it didn’t clear up the problem then I may have to be neutered. Not in the Terminator sense of the word I hope. No neutered in the male sense. Ouch!!! I’m seven and a half now and thought I’d dodged that bullet when Mum told the RSPCA I wouldn’t need my nuts nipping as I’m a gentle soul and would be a gentleman towards my new Yorkshire Terrier friend. Now it’s the Vet who’s after my golden nuggets. 
Elsie hasn’t gotten away without a trip or two to the Vets either. First of all her face swelled up like she’d done a round or twelve with Olympic boxing gold medalist Nicola Adams and it was determined that it was either a bite that hadn’t cleared up properly since her last facial turn or she had an abscess on her tooth. This is common in Yorkshire Terriers apparently to develop teeth problems, ah another ailment for Elsie to contend with. The second lot of antibiotics seem to have done the trick so far and the family Chelton are all on left side face watch waiting for the next flare up so she can go under anesetic for dental work to be done. She didn’t get on too well with the Vet poking around in her mouth and had a little grumble at him. I don’t blame her though on that occasion. Her epilepsy medication is working well and Joolsy was so pleased that her latest blood test was only £40 which meant she could buy herself a new pair of Skechers. May I add here that other trainers are available? Just in case Nike get offended. Joolsy’s Skechers make Austin Powers look like Magenta Devine (TV travel show presenter in the 90’s so I’m told, who wore black permanently). They are done in a Hawaiian theme with flamingos on them. We are not allowed let Elsie see the flamingos though as birds set her off barking. When birds visit our bird table she likes to let Billy blackbird, Percy pigeon and Sally sparrow hear her dulcet tones. Joolsy gave them human names as she felt it may quieten Elsie down but sadly for all our ears drums this was to no avail. I need to borrow Joolsy’s Oakley sunglasses to look at her Skechers next time she puts them on her size six feet.
Fabulous news now folks, Elsie and I are being immortalised in paint form as I type. Joolsy’s been online not only Twittering and now Facebooking (don’t people and okay um ah dogs like the share things nowadays?) but looking for art work. She’s a hootie flootie one is our Joolsy. She’s found a few nice ones that she’s thinking about purchasing but in the meantime has enlisted the help of our resident (literally there as he lives with us) artist Dad to do her a cartoon style painting. She wants me and Little Miss Mischief, Elsie to be joyriding in Primrose (aptly named by Mum as its yellow) her Mini with Cedric being resurrected from the dead and jumping over the top of the car. We’ve had to use artistic licensing as Cedric has been dead since just before Christmas but seen as he came to live with us around Easter time last year a Jesus style resurrection in art form may not be a stretch too far. People we ask that you use your imaginations here as it’s happened with James Bond in Skyfall and now I believe Eastenders are bringing Kathy Beale back from the dead too. It’s all going on in the world of soaps, films and now art. Back to the joyriding which is an element that me as a good boy isn’t too happy about but when questioned I’ll just say Elsie talked me into it and because she was in care once I’m sure we’ll get away with it. However I draw the line at Vin Diesel being in the painting, chasing behind us like a scene from Fast and the Furious. I’m not having anyone steal my limelight even if Joolsy does like a bit of brawn. Dad says I can’t show anyone the painting until it’s done so hopefully next time my paws go onto the keyboard I’ll be able to unveil the finished article to the world. Right I’m pawing off now and going to check that Elsie hasn’t really gone joyriding in Joolsy’s motor.  











  





    

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