Remember how I said Elsie didn’t have that much going for her last time I wrote? Apart from epilepsy, rage oh and the love of her new found family of course! Gee it was only over a week ago now since I last pawed something, I’m getting into this blogging malarkey now at seven and a half years old. Well, I’m giving her stiff competition on the ailment front now. Let’s just say Mum’s had the Vax machine (sold in all good hardware stores across Blighty and may I add a very fine investment should you have a dog! Joolsy had a gun to my head as I was typing that bit!) and a few choice and colourful words out recently as Elsie and I have been taking it in turns weeing around the house. Me more than Elsie I’m afraid. Pleasant stuff today’s blog! Well, you get it wee, worts and all with me you know! I say more as I’ve been caught in the act on more than one occasion now and I’ve been drinking a lot more.… Water that is and sadly not gin! Drat! Oh and Elsie’s wee’s are classed as diva wee’s. Never! Shock horror there. What I mean is she doesn’t like being left so it’s been concluded (following great scrutiny of evidence… wee size!) that if she does a wee it’s probably in protest! I guess she did come from the RSPCA so she does have a usable excuse every time there. I’ll say that as she’s my partner in crime. The Bonnie to my Clyde in the wee activity so better back my little amigo up! Anyway back to me. I had to be carted off to the vets last week as I’d left my mark and I don’t mean on a shooting range three times up to that point. A pee sample was taken. Yes, Mum chasing me around the yard at 7am was highly amusing and a little embarrassing for a dignified gentleman such as myself but it was worth it as I don’t have an infection or diabetes. Phew! After more interrogation under a very blight light the police officer, sorry vet got her needle out to take a blood sample which came back clear too. Double phew it was worth the pain of that jab! The vet concluded that I could have developed an allergy to my food and this is where the fun really starts. I am now on the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here diet of rice and chicken or rice and fish. Oh and sadly I don’t get to meet the charming and cheeky Ant and Dec whilst on this delightful diet unlike those daft buggers that go into that torture camp… sorry mad cap programme. This enforced treat ban (prisoners get bread I think I might offer to go into Strangeways for dogs, at least I might get a sarnie to munch on there) lasts a month and Mum is going to be chasing me around the yard again in the meantime when I do my first wee of the day as the vet wants to keep an eye of my urine. Marvellous for me and glamorous stuff for Mum! Mind you when Mum and Dad were away I needed a squirty number two at one o’clock in the morning, so Joolsy also had the glamorous task  and delight of cleaning the dining room floor. Poor Joolsy but I like to share the pee and poo around! I get unsettled when my parents go away and it comes out in the way of… well… poo! Elsie was the one who alerted Joolsy to my dining room night exploits as she smelt the pungent aroma wafting up the stairs and like Frank Spencer said, “Doggies done a whoopsy!” Only mine was on the stone floor and not in a beret. Okay she didn’t really say it as that would be as daft as a dog that could type or a “Ted” that could talk and knew obscenities well beyond his fluffy demeanour but you get the gist! Right well I’m pawing off again now as they will be no doubt turfing me out into the yard to see if I’ll do another wee in a minute.

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