WEEEEEE!!

Remember how I said Elsie didn’t have that much going for her last time I wrote? Apart from epilepsy, rage oh and the love of her new found family of course! Gee it was only over a week ago now since I last pawed something, I’m getting into this blogging malarkey now at seven and a half years old. Well, I’m giving her stiff competition on the ailment front now. Let’s just say Mum’s had the Vax machine (sold in all good hardware stores across Blighty and may I add a very fine investment should you have a dog! Joolsy had a gun to my head as I was typing that bit!) and a few choice and colourful words out recently as Elsie and I have been taking it in turns weeing around the house. Me more than Elsie I’m afraid. Pleasant stuff today’s blog! Well, you get it wee, worts and all with me you know! I say more as I’ve been caught in the act on more than one occasion now and I’ve been drinking a lot more.… Water that is and sadly not gin! Drat! Oh and Elsie’s wee’s are classed as diva wee’s. Never! Shock horror there. What I mean is she doesn’t like being left so it’s been concluded (following great scrutiny of evidence… wee size!) that if she does a wee it’s probably in protest! I guess she did come from the RSPCA so she does have a usable excuse every time there. I’ll say that as she’s my partner in crime. The Bonnie to my Clyde in the wee activity so better back my little amigo up! Anyway back to me. I had to be carted off to the vets last week as I’d left my mark and I don’t mean on a shooting range three times up to that point. A pee sample was taken. Yes, Mum chasing me around the yard at 7am was highly amusing and a little embarrassing for a dignified gentleman such as myself but it was worth it as I don’t have an infection or diabetes. Phew! After more interrogation under a very blight light the police officer, sorry vet got her needle out to take a blood sample which came back clear too. Double phew it was worth the pain of that jab! The vet concluded that I could have developed an allergy to my food and this is where the fun really starts. I am now on the I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here diet of rice and chicken or rice and fish. Oh and sadly I don’t get to meet the charming and cheeky Ant and Dec whilst on this delightful diet unlike those daft buggers that go into that torture camp… sorry mad cap programme. This enforced treat ban (prisoners get bread I think I might offer to go into Strangeways for dogs, at least I might get a sarnie to munch on there) lasts a month and Mum is going to be chasing me around the yard again in the meantime when I do my first wee of the day as the vet wants to keep an eye of my urine. Marvellous for me and glamorous stuff for Mum! Mind you when Mum and Dad were away I needed a squirty number two at one o’clock in the morning, so Joolsy also had the glamorous task  and delight of cleaning the dining room floor. Poor Joolsy but I like to share the pee and poo around! I get unsettled when my parents go away and it comes out in the way of… well… poo! Elsie was the one who alerted Joolsy to my dining room night exploits as she smelt the pungent aroma wafting up the stairs and like Frank Spencer said, “Doggies done a whoopsy!” Only mine was on the stone floor and not in a beret. Okay she didn’t really say it as that would be as daft as a dog that could type or a “Ted” that could talk and knew obscenities well beyond his fluffy demeanour but you get the gist! Right well I’m pawing off again now as they will be no doubt turfing me out into the yard to see if I’ll do another wee in a minute.





ELSIE BEAR FROM CARE

So it’s all change here again. Jesus the world never stops turning does it? Religion, politics and Joolsy’s favourite soap operas. There’s always something new happening. The big change in my life happened last December when Cedric Rabbit sadly departed this earth to bounce around in all eternity. Yes, the Maximus of the rabbit world is I’m afraid no more. No, the crazy bunny didn’t bounce over our neighbours wall as we all expected him to. He did try this one morning as he managed to get from the ladder housing onto his hutch roof and was eyeing up the wall like some SAS recruit. Nor did he bounce in between the bin rising like the famous picture of the shark in Jaws. No, he got gas, really bad gas that even the vets antibiotic injections couldn’t sort out this time. I say this time as Cedric had gas on more than one occasion and unlike me who trumps away merrily sadly in December it all got too much for the mad sorry meant spirited bun. RIP Cedric. The Chelton’s were understandably upset but then what happened next sends shivers down a Cocker Spaniel’s spine. Joosly got an idea (I blame Auntie Ruth) of getting a Tea Cup dog! A little scrawny thing by the pictures I glimpsed at from her iPhone. There was a down side though to this crazy madcap idea which put her off the Tea Cup element of this plan. They can get health problems due to breeding for size issues so this was ruled out. However the other “dog” element was very much in place and gained momentum very quickly indeed. Joolsy searched high and low for a suitable match to my personality. Well, I say high and low, she looked on Pets4Homes, Dogs Trust, Blue Cross and the RSPCA. Then she was found the next bit of joy to come into my world! Joolsy shrieked, “I’ve found her, she’s gorgeous!” Her name (at the time) was Lady. Looked more like a Tramp in my opinion but hey what can I say, I go to the doggie groomers every 8 - 9 weeks so I’m always neatly quaffed pooch. Dad rang up about her after Mum had agreed that she met the suitable criteria and that was it we were all in the car for the hours drive to meet my new friend. Even me as they had to meet the whole Chelton brigade. Yes, that quickly that the grown ups didn’t even have time to finish their brew although Mum did make Joolsy a sandwich to eat on route as she had to be at work that afternoon and this was race against time like Challenge Anneka. I was told I had to be on my best behaviour. Okay but can I howl at the nice people in my usual manner I thought? Yeah of course as most folk find it highly endearing. We arrived at the centre and after some consultation about me getting my nuts off…. What was that?! Mum managed to thankfully talk them down on that policy, phew wee! We went to meet Lady in the centre’s socialisation room. She was a quiet little thing with wild wacky hair but everyone including me seemed to take to her. It was agreed that we would give her a home and no because I was such a sociable (in a good way) soul with her that I wouldn’t have to get my nuts off. Result for a seven year old never randy well behaved dog. There were many phone calls seeing when Lady could come live with us and a home visit where yes you’ve guessed it, I had to be on my best ever behaviour took place. Seen as Joolsy had done voluntary work for the Blue Cross in the past the lady said we (the collective there) probably knew more than she did about animal care and responsibility. Result again. On 15 December last year Lady finally came to live with us and promptly started stealing my toys.  What a bloody woman! She got my equivalent of Buzz Lightyear and Woody, my money and Father Christmas toys from my Toy Story basket and was running around squeaking them. I wished at that point with the squeaking in my long floppy ears that I hadn’t been on my best behaviour that day in the socialisation room! She then started bouncing over my sofas and charging around like a good un! This was no Lady as we’ll move onto find out further in a little bit! Seen as Mum thought that the name Lady had certain humorous connotations to do with David Walliams and Little Britain think, “Oh I’m lady don’t you know?” It was decided that we would change her name to Elsie or Elsie Bear as she’s now affectionately known. There was a small debate once she was called Elsie about whether to call her Shirley as Joolsy thought because of her wild Yorkshire Terrier looks she looked like Shirley Carter from Eastenders. The iPhone was out again to show images of Shirley put up next to Elsie’s head, the resemblance is really quite striking. If they ever have a competition where you have to send an image in of someone that looks like a soap character Elsie would win paws down. However this was knocked on the head though as we thought she was just getting used to being called Elsie now and it would be confusing to change her name again to Shirley. We were told that Elsie was a fussy eater when she was in care so the family were on stand by ready to go the supermarket should she turn her nose up at the delights she was served. No such thing happened and to this day Elsie is the most unfussy eater anyone could meet. Joolsy thinks it’s because she was put in care, had some teeth out and was spayed. Well when you put in that way I reckon I’d be a bit off my Chappie on Purina. When we went out on our first walk together Elsie displayed signs of shall we say this kindly here, “confidence” towards other dogs. Okay she was a bit of a minx/ bruiser was my new friend. I better call her friend I thought as she may start on me. I’m a gentle soul and don’t want any aggro. Bark, bark, BARK was all I heard then lurching toward them to say, “Hello” in not so a friendly way. I guess this was maybe because she was living in a mean city where there maybe was a more dog eat dog culture. Now in the country environment however this behaviour was more frown upon. This confidence grew over the weeks and months and yes you’ve guessed it, Elsie Bear ended up in therapy. Boot camp for the Elsie Bear one. It was on a trip to the visits for me (stealing my lime light again) that Joolsy was given a card for a Dog Behaviourist in the area and after a few, “She’s a little darling really” emails later the training began. This training involved cheese, sausage, ham and a Clicker. As I’m “lucky” enough to walk with Elsie too I to felt the benefits of the dog trainers wisdom, yum yum in my tum! The training has calmed Elsie down in the main over the last few months although she’s still a feisty female with attitude. As well as Elsie’s ASBO style behaviour (another one after Cedric the nut job rabbit, yes my family can sure pick them) her looks were called into question on an early outing by a neighbour of ours who commented in horror, “She has an under shot jaw!” Poor Elsie Bear, she came from care has bad manners towards other dogs, an under shot jaw then wait for it… There’s more. She had a fit which Mummy promptly got on the phone to the vets about. After being told to monitor these episodes which were sometimes 5 weeks then 8 weeks then could be as little as 2 weeks apart it was decided that investigations needed to take place. Her blood tests were normal however she has just started epilepsy medication to see whether they can be controlled to make them less troublesome and unpleasant for Elsie. Even I looked on kindly and was concerned at her last turn, bless her. So oh dear Eppy Elsie as Joolsy affectionately has named her, she from care to the Chelton family and she’s certainly made her mark. Right pawing off for now as it’s nearly walk time. Let’s go see who the little demon can upset now.