Mama J’s shower took on somewhat child like realms this morning. No, she hasn’t bought herself a rubber duck and started quacking like Donald. Nor has she found the showering equivalent of Mr Matey Bubble Bath on Boots shelves and thought she’d recapture bath time memories from her youth. Although I’m reckoning she has the potential to add another ten minutes onto her morning routine should she invest in these splashing activities. Now that really would mean she was in her ensuite all morning instead of just the usual hour and a half! Not that I’m saying she’s high maintenance. Heaven for bid, I’ll never get another doggie treat again if I start making those sort of accusations. No, her and Granny just like to gas while they are getting ready to set about the tasks of their day!
So her shower turned into a purple version of The Incredible Hulk minus the rippling muscles and rage issues that would need a full on team of therapists to rectify. This is all thanks to Mama J’s new shampoo, which is looking after her newly light blonde bombshell hair colour. In between Mama J’s cooing of, “Oh my giddy Aunt Mary. I’m purple!” I could hear Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’ running around and around my overactive imagination. He only wanted to see you dancing in the purple rain. Well, Mama J thought we were all going to see her glowing in the purple dry!
With any new haircare product Mama J always goes a little bit over the top with her usage and this time was no exception. Her hands were full on purple and then the excess shampoo was running down her wet purple foamed body and all over the purple shower door, purple once white tiles and you’ve guess it, purple floor! All I could hear then was, “I’m going to come out looking like a Teletubbie!” Then her singing, “Tinky-Winky! Dipsy! Laa Laa and Po! Oh no! Teletubbies say HELLO!”
Fortunately once Mama J stepped out of the shower in-between her nails was the only part of her body where the remnants of the residual shampoo remained. Mama J’s Barney look was all but gone and she wasn’t going to have to go around all day looking like a Smurf dip dyed with purple paint. That’s such a shame as I do like the colour aubergine!
I thought Grandpa was going to blow a gasket and give himself a hernia last night. He was so enraged I thought he was going to throw his glass of Merlot across the living room at one point. What a crime against wine? Call the alcohol police someone before the carpet gets arrested by it! Was it the news about the attacks in Syria? Had one of Donald Trump’s Twitter rants sent him over the edge? Has he started getting passionate about football right at the end of the season and was disappointed that the team he had decided to support lost? Was he cross about animal abuse? No, to all of the above deeply troubling first world issues. This anger was over something far more upsetting than these problems. It was about BBC One’s ‘The Big Painting Challenge!’
Grandpa is a very good artist and in his time has painted some famous landmarks, a cartoon car with myself, Marble, the families Cocker Spaniel at the time and Cedric, Mama J’s former rabbit in it and he’s also painted parts of the village where we live for community based charity auctions. However last night he took umbrage at the “artists” lack of artistic know how. He started ranting, “Look at that! They can’t even paint a f***ing dog!” Followed by, “What a hell is that meant to be?” They were trying to paint a woodland scene, which for some of the contestants was a simple challenge definitely too far! This was all under the tutorship of their mentors, who may I add set Grandpa off even further? “I couldn’t bloody stand being on this programme with those two “teaching” me to paint with my bloody knickers!” Well, one of the mentors looks and dresses like one of the Super Mario Bros., so I see Grandpa point that he hardly looks credible but would make an excellent guest at a fancy dress party, where computer game characters were the order of the day.
Anyway Granny and Mama J were rolling around the sofa laughing, I was barking at the dogs they were unsuccessfully trying to paint and Grandpa was searching the Internet to look for an application form for next years series so he can go beat up Mario. Should make for entertaining telly when he pops up dressed as Bowser, King of the Koopa!